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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday.....

Look at this photo, the girl in the back left with the long dark hair is Big Sister #1, in front of her is my Grammy Niles and in front of Grammy Niles is Big Brother #3. The older boy in the middle is Evil Brother (aka Big Brother #2) on his lap is Lil' Ole Me. The two girls next to us are Older Sister #2 (in the orange shirt in the back) and Big Sis (aka Older Sister #3 in the pink shirt in the front). The only person missing from this photo is Older Brother #1.

I've spent a lot of time texting older sister #3 recently. She's really having a rough go of it with all her problems and it's really kinda scary for us both. She's so strong, so bull headed and so amazing to me....all at the same time.

I know she's strong because she survived our childhood 3 years longer than me. Well not 3 full years....more like 2 years 11 months and 15 days (give or take a day cause I'm not positive on that lol I figured it out a long time ago and in my old age, my memory often fails me lol) ANYWAY, she suffered too, and although I had my zone to hide in, talking to her on the phone and texting with her has helped me to open a window into that zone and I am finding things that I had completely forgotten or didn't even realize!! It's like when those multiple personality people are introduced to their other personalities on a Lifetime movie. I'm finding out things about our lives that are pretty scary and WOW it's a whole new batch of crap to deal with! On the other hand, it's also brought back memories of my fun times with my big sister, and I've come to remember that she used to call me Sissy even when we were very little. It's what she called me from her toddler days when I was first born. She wanted to hold Sissy, wanted to play with Sissy, wanted to dress Sissy up in dolly clothing lol I've found that close bond again, the thing that kept me going, the thing that made me want to live to tomorrow so that I could experience it again....time with my Big Sis! I looked up to her all my life, she always knew what she wanted and she was getting it one way or another!

That brings us to her bull headedness. She is a stubborn one, always has been. I remember when she was a kid we knicknamed her Geronimo because she was a girl who would stamp her feet and give you that look of death and stand her ground to get what she wanted! She always amazed me because she never caved, never gave in or settled for second best. She still doesn't. This whole thing with her shaking, and twitching and all her other symptoms. She never stopped seeing different doctors, she never gave up on finding the answer. She knew what it wasn't and when the doctors told her something she knew was wrong, she simply found another doctor. Now 5 years later, here she is getting a real answer that is believable and that she feels might actually be right. She stuck to her guns and held out until she heard the right thing...and even then she's stubborn. The doctor prescribed this medication to her that was listed not only as a heavy duty pain killer but also an anti-depressant! She was pissed thinking the doctor had tricked her or lied to her just to get her to take these anti-depressants. I looked the medicine up on google and assured her that it is also used as a heavy duty pain killer for people with fibromyalgia. Although she doesn't appear to have the fibromyalgia, she is in a lot of pain and this might actually help her until they can figure out what they need to do to fix her deformity between the 4th and 5th vertebrae. But through all this, she's still strong, taking it in stride, just dealing with it as it comes. She simply amazes me!

She may be strong and bull headed, she may sometimes drive a lot of people up the wall because of her stubborness, but in the end she gets what she wants, she gets the right answers and she is still smiling in the end :)

Big sis was about 4 years old in that photo up top....this is her today!

And even though she looks way too much like the egg donor, I love her to death and hope that no matter what comes in my future I can be as strong as her! As for the WOW memories that are coming back...I'll save those for another Thursday because today I only want the pleasant happy thoughts of my Big Sis :)

And just for reference I was about 1 year old in that photo up there and this is me today


~CraftyMummy2two~ said...

hey girl I will have your sis in my thoughts:) and BTW you can see a resemblance between you two.. you can tell your sisters

SMJ said...

Wow, you are definitely sisters!! Hugs to you both. :)