I know, I know, I'm a bad blogger

I have been terrible about updates so here I am to post a bit about everything that's going on in my little world :)


As I mentioned Orions hamster passed away and that brought back all those sad feelings about the cat Sparky and so we have been dealing with all that. Orion did go out and buy himself a new hamster but soon found out why mom said it wasn't really a good idea...you can not replace one pet with another no matter how cute it is. He likes the new hamster, but he did not fix the sadness of losing Bounce.


Last week I also had a Parent/Teacher meeting at the school. The teachers asked me if he was on medication at all these days because they do not see it working at all. 18 mg of Concerta clearly is not enough. He's distracted, fidgety, bouncy, and pretty much all over the place. Of course I had expected this response from them and was basically waiting to hear it from them before calling the doctor to get a different dosage. I have seen him at home on the 18 mg and I knew it was not going to be enough.  Of course hubby didn't want to up the dosage for 2 reasons...1) he's afraid that a higher dosage of a different stimulant will only cause the same moodiness we had before on the higher dosage of Adderall (Orion has been such a happy boy on the 18mg, it's nice to see) and 2) he doesn't want to spend the money on the co-pay for another bottle of medicine when he haven't gotten through this first bottle. Of course I can not, in my right mind, send him to school with only 18mg in his body for an entire month just because we don't want to spend the money...he'll fall behind and have way too much to catch up on. I can't allow it to happen! I spoke with the pediatricians office and we are basically doubling his dosage so I can give him 2 of the 18mg to use up the bottle. On 2 pills he's much more stable, in control of his actions and much easier to deal with. 


Then this past Thursday our older cat Rex came home after being attacked by a coyote! He has some good bite wounds and some bruising. Nothing is broken but I am worried about him none the less. He's almost 15 years old  and weighs 30 pounds...NO FOOLING! He loves to be outdoors hunting and chasing rodents...I worry because usually he's fighting me to get outdoors and the past few days he's done nothing but lay on his pillow in the basement. We're giving him antibiotics and hoping for the best. The skin on his belly is bright red and hot to the touch suggesting some kind of infection, we're hoping the antibiotics will work for him and kill off whatever is in there.  Of course this is not good for Orion's mental state and he's now very worried that he's going to lose yet another pet!  I spend my days consoling the boy, trying to get the cat to eat and drink and trying to keep his wounds clean with warm compresses. It hasn't been a very fun Columbus Day weekend for us.


I did take Orion to a new playground yesterday. It just opened up last month and according to the newspapers it's the largest eco-friendly playground in the country. It's an elaborate 10,000-square-foot playground made out recycled plastic milk jugs and soda bottles! Even the base for the ground is made out of the milk jugs and soda bottles and supposedly (although I don't want Orion testing it out) can absorb a fall from a height of 9 feet. Orion had a good amount of fun until he saw a bunch of yellow jackets flying around and then he wanted to go home...he's terrified of yellow jackets ever since he got stung a few years back. Anyway, I am hoping to get him back there often since it's nice and new and clean...and eco-friendly.

That's about it for news this week. I'm sorry there was no Thoughtful Thursday again but as I mentioned that's the day the cat came home all banged up so that wiped everything from my mind..I didn't even facebook LOL I promise next week I'll have something for ya :)

I am numb today, sadness sits in my heart and i do not want to feel anything. I don't want to remember, I don't want to cry, but still I do both and it's breaking my heart! Yesterday I knew I would feel this, yesterday I knew this was coming, but yesterday it was not here and real so I would like to go back to yesterday until I am ready to face today.

~~~~~~~~~~

Today my son feels the pain I felt years ago, that emptiness that sits inside you, around you, encloses you like a cold blanket that weighs too much to lift off. It is not a good place to be and it's breaking my heart to watch him deal with this pain, this hurt, this sadness that lingers and just wont go away.

That is my boy just 3 years ago, the one below is me at just about the same age. My boy was so happy that day, the day before he had found this little kitten and we had told him he could keep it, that he could raise it and give it a good home. I was of the same feeling in that photo of me...that pup was mine (although in that photo she is no longer a puppy, it is the only photo of us I do have).

He named his kitten Sparky, because it was right before 4th of July and he reminded Orion of the color of fireworks, I named mine Mitsy, a character from a book I was reading.  We both loved our animals very deeply, we played with them and we fed them, we took good care of our animals. However we both had our animals leave us when they were way too young and now those smiles, that happiness, it's all just faded memories, memories that have been replaced by the image of a dead animal, happy playful memories now replaced with the sad ones of burying a beloved friend.

Poor Orion is hurting and although I can relate and I can sympathize, I can not take this away from him, I can not change it, and that knowledge breaks my heart. We created that slideshow yesterday, we worked hard to go through all the photos of our friend and added them with care. We needed to replace the last moment with the happy memories so that we could somehow go onward and face each new day without our friend. Together we put Sparky's name on the Rainbow Bridge website so that he can be included in the Monday night candle vigil next week. I read the story to Orion and we talked about how we will see our friends again someday. I hope it helped him to know I understand his pain as deeply as he feels it.

So today I feel numb because if I allow myself to feel the depth of my pain I will not be able to help my boy deal with his grief. He is brokenhearted by a terrible loss, the lost of a best friend!

~~~~~~~~~~

No magical words this week, just love your pets deeply and never take them for granted because you never know when they will be gone from your life forever and when they are gone, that shredded piece of furniture, those shredded drapes, that old worn out blanket they used to sleep on will be the only things you have left to hold.

From Blogger Pictures

RIP Sparky

Sparky finally passed away as we expected him to, he went to the rainbow bridge at about 8:30pm tonight. He will be dearly missed!

From Blogger Pictures

Another Sparky post....

Although you might tire of reading about Sparky he truly is the one thing on our minds these days. Last night, after I made that post, I finished up work and went in to check on our little kitty friend. He lifted his head when I entered and I went over to his crate and sat down on the floor beside it. When I opened the door to pet him he used what little strength he had to drag himself out of his crate and into my lap. I say drag because he couldn't really use his back legs, they just wouldn't support his weight. You have to understand something here, Sparky has NEVER been a lap cat! He would lay next to you on the couch, but he has not laid in anyone's lap since he was a tiny kitten. I held him like a baby and petted him gently, he closed his eyes and breathed so slowly he looked like he was completely comfortable. We stayed like that for close to an hour, him just relaxing in my arms, me just petting him and talking to him. I finally laid him back in his crate and went to bed thinking he probably wouldn't make it through the night, I figured that was his way of saying good-bye.

This morning I awoke to see him laying there in his crate, still alive, still breathing, but barely. He only has the strength to lift his head, he can't seem to do much else. I petted him, changed his bedding and talked to him for a bit. Orion got up and immediately went in to check on him, I picked Sparky up and helped Orion hold him for awhile while petting his head and loving on him. We put him back into his crate, opened the shade so that the sunlight could fall upon him (he always loved laying in the morning sun) and he is now relaxing in his crate in the sunlight.

I know I keep saying it, he can't last much longer, but this time I think the end truly is here for this poor kitty. I am sure that my next post will be a memorial post. As I watched him lay in his crate unable to do more than lift his head and look up at me, I could see just how very tired he truly is. He may fight, he may try to hang on, but he is tired and he will have to let go soon. He is losing this battle, the only thing that seems to bring us peace is the fact that he breaths slowly, appears relaxed and not in pain. He is just fading away quietly, heading for the rainbow bridge.

From Blogger Pictures

Another Sparky update

Would you believe me if I told you he's still hanging in there and even though he shows all signs of being in acute renal failure...meaning his kidneys are shot...he's peeing blood clots, he hasn't eaten anything since Thursday (5 days) and hasn't drank more than a teaspoon of liquid since Friday (4 days)??  Yep, amazing as it sounds he is still hanging around, still trying to hang on!

We are keeping him isolated in a crate in a different room from the other cats and he is just laying there very quiet and looks at peace with the world. He rolled over and let me rub his belly today...something he has never enjoyed or done before! He actually just closed his eyes and if he could have purred I am sure he would have. I don't know what to make of this animal, I never thought he would hang on for this long but yet every time I go in to check on him he's still thee twitching his tail looking around like he hasn't a care in the world. He has lost a lot of weight (goes without saying since he hasn't eaten or drank anything really)  and I keep finding myself amazed at his will to live. Although he simply won't if he keeps refusing food and liquids. Today when Orion and I tried to give him liquid he crawled to the back of the crate and turned his back toward us as if to say "I'm not talking to you until you take that away" Sure enough, as soon as we took the water away he crawled his way back to the front of the crate and lay down to get a belly rub.

Of course all this is only encouraging Orion to believe the cat will live, that he can fight off whatever is causing this...which in the opinion of the vet is probably his distemper shot. Apparently it damages the kidneys and animals that are predisposed toward kidney issues are often the victims. They have seen kidney failure in cats as young as 4 years old...which is how old Sparky is. Let me tell ya, I will NEVER give another cat the distemper shot!

From Blogger Pictures

Update on our Sparky

Amazingly Sparky is still alive this morning. He seems to go from looking like he's on deaths door to looking like he might actually recover from whatever is making him so ill. His gums have turned a little pink, but they still have that chocolate brown tinge to them, his tongue as well.  His eyes go between being fully dilated to looking almost normal. Yesterday he took a few drops of water as long as we dripped it into his mouth off our fingers, but today he pulls his head away. He refuses food and has not eaten a single thing since Thursday, I just don't see how much longer he can hold on. He seems to be fighting this with every bit of fight in him, he always was an ornery one, but there will come a point where he just can't hold on any longer. A part of me wishes he would just let go because this is tearing Orion to pieces!  Poor Orion has watched other animals die, he has seen numerous hamsters go and has even seen some cats go, but this is the first cat that he has raised from kittenhood. Sparky is the second kitten that Orion found and wanted to keep. So this one is extra hard on him because he helped to raise Sparky after finding him abandoned in the woods as a tiny kitten. Orion keeps seeing him get a little better and starts hoping that he'll be alright, he keeps hoping for some kind of miracle. This morning I thought for sure we were at the end because Sparky was just laying there on his side and didn't appear to even have the energy to lift his head. But of course within an hour of Orion kissing him on the head he's holding his head up and even trying to walk. It's almost like he's trying to hold on for the boy's sake! Orion went from telling Sparky it was ok to go on over to the Rainbow Bridge to thinking that maybe, just maybe he'll get better afterall. I hate this! As a rational adult I know that this cat is not going to get better. The vet has told us that without spending thousands of dollars on tests and possibly a liver transplant this cat is not going to get better and even then he still might not survive. We can not afford to spend all our savings on a cat, no matter how much we love him! Then to think that if we did that and he still died, we would then be out a cat and our savings....we just can not take the risk.

And so we still sit here waiting for what we believe to be inevitable, waiting for the end to come to this poor kitty. I am sure that no matter how strong he is, he can  not fight too much longer, the question is how much longer can he really hold on. The vet suggested spending the $300 to have him put to sleep, that seems crazy to me! He doesn't appear to be in any pain still so I see no reason to not just wait this out and let nature do its thing. It may take longer, but at least he will be here at home with the people he knows and loves in  his own environment. We all agree that if he does show signs of pain then we will at that point consider taking him in to the vets office to be put down, but until that time mother nature wins out.

From Blogger Pictures

It's a sad day in our house

We woke up  this morning to our cat Sparky vomiting in the bay window, vomit on the rug and the cat looking very ill indeed. He hasn't been acting right the past week, yesterday he was drooling and yowling loudly. Today he is in the cat crate in my sons room so that he can quietly rest, but he does not look good, as a matter of fact he very much reminds me of our cat Cartman who died a couple years ago of multi-system failure. He is sleeping mostly, but periodically yowling out as though he is scared, he does not appear to be in any pain at all. His gums and tongue have turned a chocolatey brown, his normal orange color has faded to a brownish orange and he is breathing very shallow. It looks like he is at the end and he's only about 4 years old! Orion is beside himself with worry, praying for a miracle that may not come. I called the vet and they of course suggested bringing him in for testing but said if his gums were brown then he is probably in the end stages of respiratory failure and would end up needing to b put to sleep....which would cost us $85 for the office visit and $250 to put him down. They suggested that as long as he is not in pain we just make him comfortable and let him pass here at home...which is what we are going with. They felt there would be nothing they could do for him.

And so here we sit, checking in on him periodically trying to pass the time until he fades and we have to put him in the ground. I pray he lasts long enough for hubby to get home from work and say good-bye.

From Blogger Pictures