Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I've come to the conclussion that I can only hash out the memories of my childhood so much, it's tiring and makes me quite exhausted! I hate thinking about it, and although I know it's good to recognize what has happened in your life and learn something from the pain, I also feel like it's all just one bad story after another. And then after I realize this and I realize it's important to share that pain so those who also suffer can see that it is possible to get beyond the pain and it is possible to recover and NOT repeat the cycle. It is hard to talk about it though, it's hard on so many levels, but my biggest problem with this is one simple thing....I tried this before with a mommy board and it caused me so much pain it's not even funny! I was a member of this mommy board for years, talked to these same women for years, watched their babies grow into toddlers and big kids and they watched mine do the same. We became what we could call "close cyber-friends" never having met face to face and only seeing pictures of each others families. They claimed to be good christian women, people who were supposed to be loving and kind. I talked to them on the phone, even talked to their children on the phone and their stories were believable. Then one day I mentioned my rough childhood a little, they wanted to know more. We created an online journal room where only the closest in the group could see so that new-comers wouldn't be able to see the deepest parts of our lives, things we would normally only share with a friend. So I started talking, I started telling them some of my stories, I started to open up and share with them my pain and suffering as I have done on here. At first it was all good, a lot of "I'm so sorry you had to suffer so" "I'll pray for you" and other sympathetic things. But then one of them (no one ever admitted to doing it but I have my suspicions) took one of my posts and mass e-mailed it to a bunch of people she knew. She called me a freak, she laughed at my pain, she said that she didn't believe a word of it and that I was just seeking attention. The e-mail was also "accidentally" sent to me. I put that in quotes because I don't believe for one minute it was a mistake or an accident, they did that on purpose to cause me even greater pain I am sure. I was hurt and I called my so-called friend, I cried to her and she tried to comfort me telling me it was horrible and she couldn't believe anyone would do such a thing. A couple weeks later I was banned from the board for no reason what-so-ever. I just so happened knew the main administrators password (having been a co-admin and main design person for the board) so I logged in under her name thinking that MAYBE it was a mistake. She had her account set up to pop up any PM's she had so as soon as I logged in her PM's (that's private messages if you're wondering) popped up and there it was in black and white. She had sent messages to others telling them I was a liar, that I made up the stories from my past and that she didn't believe a word of what I had said in that forum. She was the so-called friend, the so-called christian I had called, yet here she was talking that way about me. She said one thing to my face while plotting behind my back with others to have me banned from her board and hurt me as much as humanly possible.
And so I sit here today debating whether or not it's safe to type out the words in my heart, to type out my thoughts. You see stories on the TV all the time of people abusing their kids, killing their kids, driving them into lakes, going the wrong way in traffic etc. Do they not believe those stories either? Is that just the media wanting attention? Do they really believe that everyone lives in this perfect little world where kids are wanted and loved by both parents and never sexually assaulted, beaten or neglected? Or perhaps they just don't want to see the evil in the world and therefore only see what their little minds allow them to see. I don't know what it is, but I will probably never go onto another mommy board again and let people see anything other than what is in the here and now, because my past is what it is, it made me who I am, but I refuse to let people call me a liar and tell me what did or did not happen to me as a child.
With all that said, I think this week I'll take a break from my childhood memories, I'll post another story next week, but this week, for some reason, it's just not happening for me so I won't push it.
Another thought in my head this week is my sweet hubby :)
Yesterday we planned a surprise for Orion, we had planned to take him to WaterWhizz again but not tell him. The plan was to take him out to breakfast and then tell him that Daddy was going to come shopping with us at BJ's and be helpful. We generally do our shopping on Wednesdays so it would not really catch Orion off guard, we figured we would get on the highway like usual and just kind of miss the exit lol
At the exit Orion starts asking why we weren't there yet, he had seen the exit, just didn't notice that we didn't get off it. He asked what was taking so long since it usually only takes a minute after getting off the exit to get to BJ's. We told him that Garmin (the gps) told us to keep going and maybe it knew a different way. He shrugged it off and went back to looking out the window. As we finally got off the exit he really questioned us because he could see the big bridge that goes over the canal and knew we were down near the cape...so at this point we broke the news and told him we weren't really going shopping...to which he started bouncing in the seat and laughing and woohooing! He was thrilled with the surprise.
As we pulled up to the place we realized that we had figured the opening time wrong (weekdays they open a little later) so we drove down to the local Walmart, bought some new sunblock and walked around and then headed back. In the time it took us to do that the place became packed! There was a line at the entry gate that reminded me of a rock concert...probably a good hour if not longer wait to just walk in the gate....so we opted to leave and not do that. So as we drove away I suggested the beach (since we were already all the way down to the cape cod canal anyway) and hubby agreed it was a good plan. We found a great beach where parking was only 7 bucks and we had a blast! Orion dug in the sand, hubby an I had some good long conversation without interuption and everyone left feeling happy and content. It was nice to have a good conversation with hubby :)
Of course you're probably wondering why this all would make me think about how sweet he is??? Yeah I thought so...it's coming don't worry :)
At one point we walked out into the water and it was COLD water lol It was 95+ degrees outside so the ocean water felt extra cold but refreshing...but still tough to walk into. At one point I spotted this shiny white rock under the water...the water was so clear you could see everything and this rock just stood out! It was an amazingly bright white perfect quartz rock and I really wanted it...but I didn't want to go all the way under to get it. So I begged and pleaded with hubby and he (being the awesome sweet hubby that he is) went under into the cold depths of the ocean to grab me one little rock! It's now sitting here on my desk, a reminder of what a great guy I have that he'll brave the freezing ocean just for me :) Am I lucky or what?
So ladies...I hope you have a great weekend :) Take some time to look at the people you love and if you're lucky enough to be married to a great guy (or even a not so great guy) find a new reason to fall in love all over again...it's totally worth it and very refreshing to say the least!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
A close second would be my hubby...he's my rock, my corner stone, my foundation. He's everything I could want in a man and more! He makes me happy and shows me unconditional love even when I don't feel I deserve it, he's one heck of a guy for sure!
So there you have it! Those are 6 of the many things that make me happy! Here are the ones that I am tagging!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Her name was Mitsy and she was my best friend! I loved my Mitsy with all my heart and sadly when I was about Orions age I lost her and it's all my mothers fault! See Mitsy had to live outdoors in a doghouse, she had to stay outdoors rain or shine, snow or heatwave, she was not allowed in the house. One cold winter day the weatherman warned that it was going to be the coldest night in years, he warned to bring all pets indoors, to not be outdoors yourself, that everyone should seek shelter and warmth. I begged, I pleaded, I cried "Please Mama she'll freeze to death!" The answer was a resounding NO! I asked if she could let her stay in the dirt basement, it would be warmer than the outdoors...the answer again was a resounding NO! All night I cried, I knew I would never see my Mitsy again.
The following morning I went to her doghouse, there she lay...frozen and dead! I had to say good-bye to my beloved Mitsy all because of a cold hearted woman wouldn't let her come in from the coldest night in years.
"Mom why does everything have to cost so much?"
That's a question I am asked quite often and it usually makes me laugh...I don't know why everything costs so much but I agree with the kid when he says it's just too much to ask $2.75 for a gallon of gas! I swore I would NEVER EVER say this yet I find the words tumbling out of my mouth...
"I remember when......"
I remember when you could pull up to the pump, ask for $1 worth and actually be able to drive away without an empty tank still.
I remember when you could walk down to the local general store (alone or with only siblings) pick up bottles along the way (big ones were actually 10 cents, the cans were still 5 cents) and buy a buttload of candy with the money from the redemptions. I also remember the counter at said general store full of jars of stick candy, fireballs and tootsie rolls, etc for only 1 or 2 cents a piece!
I remember when coke was only a drink, not something you snorted up your nose and if you did snort it up your nose it was because something hillarious happened when you were in mid-sip
I remember rubbing baby oil all over my body in an attempt to get the best tan possible in the fastest manner possible. Who would have thought that you would actually want to BLOCK the sun????
I remember when the music you listened to came on vinyl and it was fun to listen to it on 78 speed where everything sounded like it was being sung by the Chipmunks. I also remember our car having an 8 track player in it..not a multi-disk changer or mp3 player!
I remember when kids entertained themselves with only their dolls, trucks, sticks and imaginations...there was no such thing as a DS, xBox or wii and certianly nothing like the internet!
I remember when the only phone you had was connected to the wall by a cord, the receiver was also connected by a cord and if someone was on the line when you called you heard the beep beep beep of a busy signal.
I remember when I swore that I would NEVER say I remember when...it was everytime I heard my mother say something like "I remember when a loaf of bread was a nickel" lol I guess that'll teach me to listen better when people tell me to "Never say never"
And so ends another Thoughtful Thursday. May anyone who reads this have a wonderful weekend and remember the next time the weatherman says it's gonna be rough on the animals and to bring them inside...it's a good idea to listen or your kids will remember and resent you FOREVER!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Today, I let him go without, but today he also went to a birthday party. It was a 4 hour outdoor playing in the water kind of party so I thought he would be ok....turns out he's the only kid who got spoken to because he was nailing the other kids with water balloons when he wasn't supposed to and he had to have a little sit down. That's the downside of adderrall vacations....my kid will be the one kid who gets out of control at the party......I wonder what he'll be like in another 10 or 12 years when he's in college at a party.....hmmmmm do I dare imagine???? I don't think so!!!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
This is actually a memory of when I was 6 or 7 years old...it always makes me laugh, makes me smile, it was the day my mother was struck by lightening. No I am not a sicko, so take that thought right out of your head...I think it was the wrath of God trying to punish her , it was mother natures justice, it didn't kill her so it's all good.
See it was a rainy thundering day and mother decided for some reason she needed to go out and move the picnic table off the grass. I don't know why but she simply had to so she goes out there in the thunder and lightening and I had to watch from the front step praying (in my evil little head) for her to get hit. The rain poured down hard (it would have been termed raining cats and dogs) she was soaking wet, her long brown hair hanging down her back in into her face, plastered to her skin. Her clothing was soaked yet she dragged that picnic table off the grass, then I heard the boom of the thunder and looked up into the sky as this big bolt came down from the sky and suddenly my mother was no longer holding onto the table, but was instead standing frozen glowing with light. She shook a bit then dropped to the ground and did not move. I yelled to my brother "I think mom is dead!" and he laughed, literally he laughed. I think he thought I was joking at first, but I really did think she was dead. It had been kind of comical looking and inspite the drastic scene I did find myself giggling a little. A part of me was scared...what would happen to us now? Another part was rejoicing...kind of like the munchkins in the Wizard of Oz...the evil witch was dead. Of course it turned out she wasn't dead, she had a pulse and she survived to beat me another day, but that day she didn't have the energy nor did she muster the energy for a couple of weeks. I enjoyed my vacation from hell.
I'm running late for work so I gotta cut this one short. Tomorrow we're taking Orion off to the beach for the day and I will try to get pictures to share...won't be taking the digital (salt water and digital cameras don't mix) but I'm sure I'll be able to convince hubby to get one of those water proof disposables so we can remember the day on photo paper.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend and remember....life is what you make of it so make something yummy covered in chocolate :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thought you might like a little update on Stellan...the little boy with the rapidly beating heart...well he's doing AMAZING! He never ended up coming to Boston, he actually started responding to a completely new and different drug and his little heart slowed down enough that they sent him home. He will eventually need to come to Boston for the surgery to repair his heart, but now they can try to wait until he is bigger and/or older. He is on daily doses of heart meds to keep his heart beating properly, but he is home and doing well.
I have the best husband in the world...no seriously I do! We've been together for over 18 years now and he still amazes me. I come from a prettty rough background, thus I bring into our relationship A LOT OF BAGGAGE! I am sure that I am not the easiest person to live with on my best days, yet he's still here, still loves me and still hugs and kisses me good night every night. Don't get me wrong....we fight and we fuss like cats and dogs at times but any good relationship has that....I personally think that if you truly care you will fight, the ones you don't fight with are the ones you really don't care all that much about losing...JMO but it sounds good doesn't it?
Back to hubby...he takes really good care of me, makes me smile and makes me laugh. He is my solid rock when I need one, never soft sand. I am actually amazed that he puts up with me and my emotional turmoil that I can only compare to an emotional hurricane or tornado! As you may have seen in my Flashy Fridays and Thoughtful Thursdays my life before was not pretty and that is what creates such turmoil for me. He is strong, weathers my storms and helps me through as well, somedays I feel like he carries me way more than he should and I am so grateful for his strength and love every single day!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
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