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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday.....

Dobro Hank and The Sunshine may have heard of us

Before I was even born the egg donor realized that musical talent seemed to flow through our veins. Big Brother #3 was what you might call a prodigy...he could pick up pretty much any instrument and within an hour he would be playing songs by ear. This started when he was 3 years old! He never learned to read sheet music, never had a lesson of any kind, just picked away at the guitar, piano, banjo, violin, (basically you name it and he could figure out how to play it).

His true talent shone through with the Dobro ...this is a Dobro

Definition: A dobro is an acoustic guitar with a metal resonator built into its body. This resonator serves as an amplifier. In contrast to acoustic guitars, the placement of the resonator takes place of the sound hole. Therefore the shape of the guitar doesn’t tend to have an affect on how the dobro’s sound is amplified. A dobro is usually played laying across your lap.

Big Brother #3 could play the dobro amazingly! But not only could Big Brother #3 play, he could sing...that country voice that can make a girl cry! Older Sister #2 and Big Sis also sang and they were AMAZING! They were so amazing that they started singing and playing at Bluegrass Festivals all over the state in the summers. Before I came along, they were only known as The Sunshine Trio, when I was 3 I started singing with the girls and when I turned 4 the group officially changed to

Dobro Hank and The Sunshine Trio

We traveled all over the country singing and playing country music. We were so good that we sang with the likes of Kitty Wells, Loretta Lynn, and George Jones to name a few. We even sang on the Grand Ole Opry once!!! Yep, we were that good!

So why would I talk about all this? Where am I going with this? It's because this talent was the egg donors out...literally! When I was about 5 years old an associate of George Jones offered my egg donor money. He wanted to adopt the 4 of us, move us to his farm in Tennesee where we would each have our own horse, home schooling and personal nannies. In exchange we would have to take singing lessons and make records! He was sure we were talented enough to make it big if we had the right kind of management, training and opportunities. The egg donor refused! She was our manager, she was NOT going to let someone else get rich off us. She was sure that if we were that talented then we would make it big regardless! Yes, we were that talented, we still are that talented, BUT she refused us the opportunity. Personally I think she refused because she didn't want anyone knowing our dirty little secrets. Heaven forbid we tell our personal nanny what she had done to us, how she had beat us daily for the littlest thing like not memorizing a song in the time limit she gave (usually about 1/2 hour). Besides, if someone took us off her hands then she would go back to being a no good for anything bum! Seriously we were her money ticket...she literally dropped out of school half way through 6th grade! She would actually brag about this and how you don't need an education....she would say "Look at me, I'm doing fine! I have a house and a mortgage and I never even finished 6th grade!" She never pointed out how the phone would get shut off every few months for non-payment along with the electric. Or how the house would be freezing cold and we had to huddle around kerosene stoves to sleep because she couldn't afford to pay to have the propane tank filled. OR even worse, we had to huddle around the old pot-belly stove in the haunted music room because she couldn't afford kerosene so we had to burn things like wooden chairs. She never mentioned not being able to afford toilet paper and forcing us to wipe with sears catalogs! She was stupid in so many ways!

I hated her on so many levels for refusing us the opportunity to better ourselves! I still hate her for this one decision! She would rather keep us at home with her, beat us daily, whip us with belts and horse whips, try to kill us instead of let us go and live a happy life! The guy was offering us the world and she was not letting it happen! I know, he could have been a psycho...could of been just as bad as living with her...but it sounded pretty and it sounded a heck of a lot better than what we had! We were GREAT, we had natural raw talent and she refused to let it shine. She instead tried to beat it into us that it was our obligation to HER to sing and make her money so she could provide for us...yet we never saw a single penny! All we ever got was a beating and maybe a bowl of mac n cheese if big sister #2 made it for us and even then it was one box for all of us to share. There was never enough food, never enough warmth and never enough love!

I still hate her for the life she gave to me!


What amazes me most about my chldhood is the fact that I NEVER did anything to stop it! Honestly I don't know why I didn't, I don't know why none of us did anything until older sister #2 was in her senior year of high school and wrote in her journal.

Picture this...large living room and right in the center, against the wall is a tall gun cabinet holding no less than 5 or 6 guns. On the top shelf inside the glass cabinet is the bullets for the guns. There was no key, no lock, just a door. It was beautiful wood finish with glass panels on every side so you could see the guns from every angle no matter where you were in the room. Every year at hunting season time the guns were taken out and we would go hunting. When I was 4 years old I was shown how to load the gun and shoot it. I was 4 years old when I shot my first deer and I was so proud of the fact that I knew how to use a gun! So WHY didn't I use it to save us? What kept me from taking a gun out of that cabinet, loading it with bullets and shooting that evil egg donor and sperm donor (at least the person I thought was my sperm donor but I now know was not) Why didn't I just deliver myself from evil since I kept begging god and it was falling on deaf ears???

I still ask myself that question and can not come up with an answer!

I just don't know what kept me from doing it...I really should have and I probably would have gotten away with it too. I would have been deemed a troubled child once the authorities knew my story! I probably would have been in a mental ward for awhile but would have been a nice change! If nothing else, I would of had the satisfaction of knowing they were dead and could never hurt me again! I was never sure of that, not even after going into foster care. My foster parents wanted me to visit with the egg donor, they tried to get me to visit with the sperm donor, my social worker tried as well....but I was always afraid she would turn on me and hurt me or that he would rape me in the back seat of his car just to have a go with me one more time. I was so scared every single time I was forced to visit with them that I starteed playing sick every single visitation day. Most of the time I didn't even have to fake it because I would be puking from the nerves! They terrified me and my protectors thought I should visit with them, make small talk and try to re-unite our family. The only time I EVER went anywhere with the egg donor was when I wanted to go back and get some of my things, I wanted my pictures of my Grammy and a my favorite red tonka truck that I played with under the wheeping willow. I got them and got the hell out of dodge! I started puking and hyperventilating so I was taken back to the foster home. I hated seeing her and I hated being in that house...all the more reason to envy Big Sis for going back there and surviving, personally I feel light headed and queezie just thinking about it! If I went back to that house I think I would probably puke again!

I don't know why I didn't kill them when I had the chance, the only thing I can come up with is that I'm a much better person than that deep down inside. It wasn't a matter of "Do unto others" I was too good for them and I wasn't stooping to their level of violence!


I'm gonna drop it off here, next week I'll talk more. I feel refreshed and renewed once again and now I can begin my weekend! That's mainly why I do Thoughtful Thursdays...because Thursday and Friday are my days off. I can get this all off my chest, enjoy my 2 days off and relax fully.

Enjoy your weekends people and if your parents sucked like mine, remember this....


That's my moto for this week :)

1 comment:

SMJ said...

I am never ceased to be amazed...there was truly an out for you kids and while some will argue George was looking to make a profit - he was also willing to give the love & life no one else was stepping up to offer. :(