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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Feeling so much better and other rambling thoughts

I am feeling so much better today thanks to a wonderful mother-in-law and hubby :)

My Mother-in-law called me up on Thursday afternoon asking if I could bring Orion over the next morning bright and early and she would keep him overnight and bring him home sometime late Saturday afternoon / early who can argue with that??? I certianly didn't! Even though I still felt pretty yucky I drove to her house (amazingly there was no traffic for the ride so we got there in about 1/2 hour) and I dropped him off around 9am. I was back home and in bed by 10am. I slept most of the day, got up, took a shower, cleaned up a little before hubby got home and cooked an easy dinner. After dinner hubby and I watched a movie and he took care of the dog so I could go to bed early. The cough medicine makes me very fuzzy headed and sleepy, and that's how I managed to sleep so much. I woke up this morning feeling almost like a new woman! I still have the allergy sniffles...the report on the tv said on a scale of 1 to 10 the allergen count was an 11 and that's probably why I have been suffering so drastically! Between the cold that hubby brought home from work  (which turned into bronchitis) and the allergies it's amazing I'm not using the inhaler more often than I already am. Apparently the rain brought out a lot of pollen at once...gee lucky me! So basically with all the sleep I have had the past couple days I am feeling a lot better and am ready to start back at work and make some money!'s the number one divorce creator and our biggest struggle in our house. Lucky for me we have already seen the worst money troubles you could imagine and we survived it so I really don't foresee any marital problems in our future!  I hate money simply because it's so needed and such a stressor on relationships, but I love money because it gets me the things I want. I am sure most people have this same love/hate relationship with money that I do and they probably think it sucks just like me too. Personally I wish we could all live in the Star Trek kind of world where we just tell the computer what we want and we instantly have it right there exactly as we desire.  Unfortunately for me, we don't live in that kind of world and I have to live on a budget. Also lucky for me I have a hubby who makes a fair wage and can support us so that I can make my teeny tiny check that basically pays for the fun stuff in our lives. For instance....I will be working all summer to buy us all snowboarding passes for next season. The adult passes went up by $10 each, the kids pass went up by $30. I'll need to save enough to buy all three of us passes, buy me a new coat and buy Orion a few new things he'll need like new mitts and new boots since I am sure the ones he wore this past season will not fit him next winter.  I know I can do it, but summer is my slow season and I can't work quite as late because I do have to pay attention to Orion during the day.....except when I send him to camp.

Camp......a mothers best friend right?? In my case it's a cause for stress and worry, I tend to be on the over-protective side and I worry so much about anything bad happening to him. He is my one and only, literally, I can't have anymore children so he is my one chance to prove that an abused child does NOT have to abuse. He's also my only child in general, not just my only chance to prove a point, and I would simply lose my mind should anything happen to him. I know all too well about bad people in this world, and I know I would never be able to forgive myself if I put him in the hands of some sicko camp counselor who hurt him in some way or even if it was another camper. Trust me, it'll be awhile before he goes off to an overnight camp...I'm so not ready for that concept! This summer will be his frst summer of camp, he's actually going to the one that my mother-in-law is in charge of. She hires all the workers so I feel I can trust her judgement here....besides since she's in charge Orion gets to go for free and that saves me a BUNDLE of cash!  I am sure he will have a great time and enjoy his daytime away from home hanging out with other kids his own age. I'll drop him off in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. He's only scheduled for a few of the summer weeks, afterall I don't want to completely get rid of him and I do so love taking him to the beach or to the playground  or even just playing out in the backyard together. He's really a fun kid in general and I want to enjoy these moments that I get with him. BUT that means less working hours and less money for me. I do love the flexibility that comes with  my work, but it's hard to make good money this way.

Which brings us back to the money....see it always comes back to the money! Don't get me wrong, I do help pay some of the household bills too. I pay for the internet, cable, phone and cell phones. I often pay for the animals to get their monthly flea/tick treatments and annual shots as well. I pay for the little things and the fun stuff, hubby pays the bigger bills like electric, gas and the mortgage and of course anything medical and anything else we should, food, spending money in general. He's a pretty good guy about it too :) I feel pretty darn lucky to still have him in my life! Like I said before, we hit a really rough patch in the money world and it almost tore us apart. We constantly fought over money, how to spend it, where it was going, etc. It was the worst year of my life..honestly it really was! I had survived my egg donor beating me daily, my sperm donor molesting me, my evil brother molesting me and 7 homes in the foster care system. None of that would have been anything compared to losing my husband and child over money, it truly was the worst year of my life! Lucky for me, we pulled through. I think hubby might have survived a break-up, even Orion would have survived, but I don't think I would have. It was a nightmare existance! Over the past 2 years our world has changed and we have grown closer, we have struggled through and even though at times hubby still gets tight about the money it's ok, we can handle it. I have full confidence that we will make it through any fight now, because we made it through that one year of hell! It's been 2 years since and we are strong now because of it. In just over a week we will celebrate 19 years together....19 years is a long time! We've had our ups and downs but I still find myself looking forward to the next 19 years with this same man!

From Blogger Pictures

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