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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday.....


A holiday where people are celebrating the impossible no matter how you look at it. Either it's a dead guy rising from the dead (he was probably just in shock and they didn't know how to check his pulse and the reality was that he was in a coma for 3 days) or it's the bunny rabbit that forgot it's a mammal (and even better a boy) and lays eggs instead of live bunnies.

Yep I'm a pessimist, but not completely! I prefer to celebrate the impossible bunny story. When I was a kid it was the same thing, but we never had little plastic eggs full of candy, we had real eggs...the eggs that the chickens would lay up on the hill. We used markers and crayons to color them and we would poke little holes into either end, blow the egg out through the holes (no easy feat mind you) and then hang the shells on strings to decorate. Then on easter morning we would wake up early and we would actually find a small basket right next to our beds and there would be a candy bar and some jelly beans and one of our favorite treats as well. It's one of those rare good memories I had and I can't help but ask myself...why??

Why was she nice this one day? She was an athiest, she mocked people who believed in god and jesus and all that stuff. Perhaps that's part of why I'm so skeptical about god...I tried to believe, I really did but he took so long to save me from my abuse that I wonder if he is real afterall. ANYWAY....back to my real question....why was she nice on easter???

I honestly can't figure it out, it makes no sense to me. She would give me a clipboard with loose leaf paper on it for my birthday, she would give me socks for Christmas, both wrapped up neatly at the end of the day with a good beating. On easter, I knew without a doubt I was going to have a great day! There would be candy, my favorite candy even, and no beatings until tomorrow at the earliest. It was like a sacred day to her, you don't beat your kids on easter sunday. So I love easter sunday, always have, it's my one day of respite, my one day of peace, my one day that I have happy memories for every single one I can remember as far back as I can remember! I wish I had that one day every day of my life....and now that I have a kid of my own the easter bunny finds his way here to our house and he leaves a basket full of candy and small toys for the boy to enjoy and play with.


Other thoughts today are on my Big Sis....she is having an MRI right now as I type and then she will go meet with the doctor to find out what to do about this problem between her 5th and 6th vertebrea (I think I posted before that it was the 4th and 5th but I was mistaken and it's the next set down) In any case, she is probably looking at some kind of surgery to fix this, but she won't know until the doctor looks at the MRI results and compares them to the last MRI results from a month or so ago. It's nerve wracking to say the least, I wish I could be there holding her hand and supporting her through all this but all I can do is text her that I love her and am thinking of her and remind her that she's strong and she will get through this! Unfortunately I am seeing the results of state health care vs. private healthcare and I get the feeling that if this were me things would be moving along a lot faster. It could be my imagination, or maybe this is a case where the doctor thinks maybe time and medication will make it better, but you would think she could at least pass that on and tell my sister so that her mind is at ease and she's not feeling like she's being blown off and forgotten because she doesn't have the money to pay for the services and she doesn't have a good paying job because she has spent the last 25 years trying to raise her kids instead of going to college and getting a higher education. I should hear from her later on today and she'll let me know what's going on and what the next step is.


Well I'm off here. I hope everyone has a great easter holiday no matter what you celebrate!

From Blogger Pictures

1 comment:

SMJ said...

Hey there, hope all went smoothly at your sis' MRI and that the docs have come up with something...seems worse when not only are you going thru something, but then you have to wait & wait just to find the doctor scratching his head!
Maybe Easter Sunday was her only good childhood memory too? Either way, thank goodness for Easter right?!! It was an odd day in our house too - my dad was mean as hell at times & wasn't shy about a whipping, but he had this belief in God that I couldn't figure out. We always went to church all decked out on Easter. Only Easter. It stopped as we hit our tween years, but later as an adult my dad asked me why I didn't take my kids to services on Easter. ???? UH, cause I'd feel like a massive hypocrite?
I have a hard time with structured religion, I've tried a few & all left me with bad vibes. I do believe in God, but more out of a need to think there is a higher power than blind faith. My husband doesn't believe either, but he stops short of calling himself an atheist. Not sure why. I think he's like you - just very real about it & not afraid to question it.
I am happy that Easter is at least one bright spot when you look back down the dark tunnel. Have a happy one lady!!