It's that day of the week again, time for me to delve into the depths of my murky past and see what I can remove.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being nothing more than a mother that was better than the one I had. She simply SUCKED, if you need a description of her, that's about what you would get out of me. She was a mean, evil, nasty woman that somehow managed to get married, have a couple of kids, have an affair and have more kids and then have another affair and have one more. She was the evil minded person who faked a suicide just to try to get us to behave, she worked in a flower shop making flower arrangements and seemed to care about those flowers more than her own children. She would beat us for the simplest things, many I don't even remember the reason, just the beatings. I remember her making my sister do dishes one night, she complained she was cold and her hands slipped on a knife and she cut her cheek. My mother refused to let her tend to the cut until the dishes were done and for her complaining about being cold she got to stand in a bucket of ice water while she did the dishes. She has a scar on her cheek now that is a constant reminder of that aweful day and I don't think she'll ever wash another dish again....if her dishwasher broke I swear she would result to paper and plastic before she would wash dishes. Mother traumatized us all!
When my sister #1 got into junior high and high school, I remember her wanting to wear a little make-up as all girls do at that age. My mother refused, yelled at her and told her that it was for "women of the night" (in other words only prostitutes wear make-up) My sister got make-up from her friends, applied it on the bus or at school in the bathroom. One day she forgot to remove it before the end of the day....she was beat within an inch of her life!
That was the way it was, daily, there was always a reason to be beaten. You didn't sweep the floor properly, you didn't wash the dishes properly, you complained. The biggest sin was stealing a sip of the milk out of the fridge before it had been separated. See when you get milk straight from the cow and put it in a fridge, it will separate cream from the rest. Mother liked the cream in her coffee and no one was allowed to drink a drop of the cream. Once the milk had cooled and separated we had to pour the cream into a different container and then we could use the milk for drinking, cereal (if we had any) or to make mac-n-cheese from a box. I clearly remember getting my butt whooped from here to tuesday (that's how mother used to put it) for drinking from the jug before it had been separated. I relished that taste, so sweet and smooth going down my throat, it was rather delicious...but it was dangerous to do. Mother would mark the jug so she would know exactly how much was in there and if anyone drank any. If any was missing we got called to the line-up to find out who did it and if no one confessed we all got beat just to be sure the right one got it. Somedays I could barely walk, let alone sit down without pain. She used to say all the time "Spare the rod, spoil the child" and that was her excuse for beating us to bloody pulps!
Perhaps that's why I hate the bible so much, why I can't stand religion...because that one verse always was used against me as a reason for beating the crap out of me and my siblings. Perhaps someday, when I'm laying on my deathbed I'll figure out the whole religion thing, but I doubt it! My guess is I will die, go somewhere and find out what the afterlife has planned for me. Personally, I hope that the afterlife is this place where my mother, father, brother #2 and Uncle are sitting and waiting for me. There I get to use any method of torture I want to make their afterlife a living hell! I hope I get the chance to give back the hurt, to give back the pain and get my own justice! I hope my afterlife is their hell....now that would be fun!
Have a great weekend everyone, hug your kids instead of hit them, teach them with words and not pain. Understand that someday you will die and they will too and if there truly is a heaven and a hell your hell could very well be their heaven hehe