Thoughtful Thursday

I know I'm a few hours early an all, but work is slow so I have time on my hands :)

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As promised I am going to try to explain our living situation when I was a kid.

We lived in a good sized house, 4 bedrooms, a den (that we called the music room), a living room, a kitchen and 1 bathroom. There was also a dirt basement where we kept the potatoes and other veggies from the garden. We had a good sized shed and a 2 car garage where the deer would hang after we had killed them, the cars were always just in the driveway.

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Now upstairs in the 3 bedrooms, we had my older brothers in one room, my older sisters in another, and my mothers husband in the third. He was mentally retarded (literally) and the father of older brothers #1 and #2. On the main floor I slept in the living room and my mother slept in the bedroom with the man I have always thought was my father (see this post if you are confused there) Older sister #1 was my fathers daughter, but not my mothers daughter. Older brother #3 and older sisters #2 and #3 are my full blooded (or so I thought) siblings. All of us, except older sister #1 had my mothers husband listed on our birth certificates as our father even though it was not true. And of course remember older sister #1 had my niece (who was also my sister) and I have no clue who went down on paper as her father....it's probably blank!

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Are you confused??? Yeah don't feel bad, that happens to a lot of people!

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So once I was 7 my so-called father left us and my mothers husband also left! He grew some brains or something I guess. He was a really nice guy, I always liked him but knowing his reality I really felt sorry for the man! He got a divorce from my mother...and really who can blame him???

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I rarely talked to anyone about our living situation...it was embarrassing to say the least! Yep, my mother has her husband living upstairs but sleeps with my father in the room right under his! What a nightmare that must have been for him! It is the knowledge of this living situation and knowledge that she was open enough with one affair to make it so easy for me to believe what my sister told me just the other night. She has no proof except for the fact that her father (the man I believed to be my father) had called her when I had that science class. He asked her what he should do because he didn't want me to know that he was not my father. According to my sister this was a secret that was known by everyone but me. Now I don't know much about genetics, but I do know this....My mother was an A blood type, according to my sister my supposed father was an AB blood type, All my siblings are A blood type but I am an O....with an AB blood type in the mix an O is an impossibility! So apparently this is truth and he was not my father afterall!

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So where do I go from here? This man who helped to raise me the first 7 years of my life, the man who I believed to be my father for 38 1/2 years is not my father! A part of me is angry because no one told me, a part of me is baffled by this bit of news. It really is a bit of a shock to find out after 38 1/2 years that the person you thought was your father was not your father. I mean I already knew our family was full of lies and deception so why not just tell me the truth of the matter back then? Why not just throw that last little bit in there? The worst part of it all is about 5 or 6 years ago I happened upon an obituary online. It had listed my supposed father as this persons spouse and had my older brother #3 listed as a surviving son. A day or 2 after reading that I happened to receive a phone call from none other than my mother. I asked her if older brother #3 was my full brother or my half brother....you should of heard her...she hemmed and hawed and you would have thought she had a heart attack right then and there. I could tell she was caught off guard. Then instead of answering the question she asked what would make me ask such a thing. I explained about the obituary I had seen and I could hear an audible sigh of relief! Then she only assured me that she had given birth to both of us, she never actually answered the question as to whether or not we were full blood siblings or half siblings...now I know why! Why she didn't just fess up at that moment is beyond me!

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I feel like I should go be a guest on Maury Povich or something!

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Well that's it for this week, I have too much to process I think. The amount of deception and lies is deeper than I thought and it amazes me!

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People, don't deceive your children! They will eventually find out the truth and it'll only give them a reason to hate you....in my case it's just another reason but still it's wrong and we shouldn't do it. You can lie about Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny but when it comes to these kinds of things you can hide it forever because they will find out and do you really want that hanging over your head?? I know I don't! Thank goodness I know beyond all shadow of doubt who the mother and father of my son are and he knows too...and it's the truth!