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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Today's The Day......................

Today is an important day on a few different levels, I'm excited, scared, nervous, anxious, so many emotions balled up inside me. Let me tell you about today

First, as I have mentioned a few times already, today is an amazing day for me! Today, I become a success, today I surpass my egg donor and I become a better, more successful mother. Today is the next to last day of 5th grade for my son!

It was my next to last day of 5th grade when my big sister woke me up, dragged me into the bathroom and locked the door. She was rushed and scared and very secretive. She urgently whispered that a lady was coming to the school sometime that day and no matter what it was vital that I go with her. That I was to go with that lady and she would bring me to my sisters and brother, she told me not to be scared and that no matter what, I was to not tell the egg donor! I was not to tell the egg donors boyfriend, I was to go straight to school as if nothing was different and that everything would be ok. I was not told that I would never be going back to that hell, I was not told to take any clothes or any favorite toys, I was not told anything other than go with this woman who would be showing up to take me to my brother and sisters and to not tell anyone about it. I kept my secret and spent the entire day watching and waiting for this strange woman to come. She came at the end of the day, just as we were finishing talking about field day the next day. We had been discussing plans of what activities we would be doing and what fun it was going to be. I was sitting at my desk when she came to the door. She spoke briefly with my teacher who came to me and told me to take my things and go with this lady. He even wished me good luck. There was a police officer with her, he was a state trooper and he carried a gun. I was nervous and scared, but I knew I had to go with her, I did not get to say goodbye to my friends, I did not get to say goodbye to my school, I did not get to go back and have field day. That was the final day I was to live with my egg donor and her boyfriends, my last day of getting hit and raped and abused.
It was my next to last day of 5th grade when my egg donor became an official failure!

Today is my sons next to last day of 5th grade, today I become a success. This is a big day for me and I am happy to know that my son will come home, my son will still be mine tomorrow and I will still be his mother.

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The second reason today is a big day is because today I have to overcome my fear of people, I have to be a leader and take over the ice cream party for the 5th grade class. See one of the moms had planned this awesome ice cream sundae party for the entire 5th grade class and it was supposed to happen yesterday. Unfortunately the band concert that was supposed to happen Friday was canceled to yesterday so we had to be bumped because a bunch of our 5th grade class is in the band. The mother who originally put this together has to work today so it falls to me to organize and take care of the party. I know there were probably other options, other parents who could have helped out, but I said I would do it because I'm going to be there anyway and really how hard can it be right? I'm just scared and nervous because of the fact that I tend to be exceptionally shy and can't remember names to save my life and well, I'm  not a social butterfly in the least. I generally prefer to hide in the corner, be quiet and just go with the flow of things. Today I must be the leader and step up to help my son and his class have a fantastic ice cream sundae party and what better cause could a mom have? NONE! I look forward to his smile and watching him interact with his friends and I look forward to taking him home with me at  the end because of reason number1 :)

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The third and final reason today is a big day is because I am eagerly waiting for a phone call that could literally change our lives big time. See I have been working from home for many years and money just seems to get tighter and tighter and tighter as the years go by. Even though I work from home I don't make a ton of money and we really need something more. Well Last week I responded to an ad I saw on Craigslist for a preschool teacher assistant. I had an interview this past Friday and the lady said she felt really good about it but she wanted to call my references and wanted to look over my resume and then she would get back to me by Tuesday. Well, today is Tuesday and I haven't heard back so today I should hear something and I truly, deeply hope that she will take me on for the position. It's ideal, it's perfect, it's everything I want it to be. I would be working the school calendar so vacations, holidays, etc, all off and no worries about the wild child and his care while I'm working. Worst case scenario, he's home in the morning for 1/2 hour and again in the afternoon for another 1/2 hour or so. I really want this job and am hoping against hope that I get it.

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Well that's it for now, I need to go do a few things like shower, work for a bit and anxiously wait for the phone to ring. I'll let you know how the day goes and if I get the the job :)

1 comment:

SMJ said...

I can tell that today has been a mile marker in your sights for a very long time. Congratulations!!! I believe that you were always a success because you not only survived but you found your voice to share on this blog. You have been successful with every decision you made to respond to your own child differently than the egg donor would have responded to you.
Have a wonderful time at Field Day. While I'm comfortable being a chatty cathy with those I know, I am SO NOT when I'm around people I don't. The times I have stepped into the role of helping out at school have scared the crap out of me. I don't know how I survived. At first, when my oldest was in school, I was always the youngest mom. That sucked because the so-called "more appropriately aged parents" were snobby towards me. With my middle son it was mostly ok except that it was still with the same parents who often had kids his age too. Now with Max I'm one of the older/normal aged moms and there are a ton of really young moms who think they run the show. Lame. LOL!
I am sure you will have a blast because hello! Ice cream!!!
Fingers crossed for the job, that would be awesome!!!!!