The other day I volunteered to help out for the 5th grade field day events. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed watching my son run around with other kids having the time of his life. It was well over 90 degrees so I chose to do the water sponge area where the kids line up between two buckets, soak a sponge in a bucket and pass it over their head to the next person inline until it gets to the end. The last person wrings out the sponge (if there's any water left in it) and then runs it to the front of the line where they dunk it in the bucket of cold water and start the process over again. The line that has the most water in their end bucket wins. The kids enjoyed wringing out the sponges over their heads and over their friends heads and dumping the bucket of water over their heads when the sponges just wasn't enough. I stood there watching my son and his classmates and I couldn't help but think about my own egg donor and wonder why she never volunteered to do that sort of thing. I find no greater joy than to watch the wild child run and laugh and be a kid with other kids. To see that well rounded happy child makes me feel so good inside that nothing can bring me down, nothing can make me feel badly and above all else I feel like I've done a pretty good job. I saw some other kids who had to be pulled aside by teachers because they were out of control, my boy (thankfully) was not among them. It was good to know that, at least for that one day, he was making me proud by being on his best behavior. I can't help but wonder if the egg donor had taken the time to volunteer at my school and watch me play with my friends, maybe then she would have seen what a great kid I was too.
I like to think I was a pretty good kid. All my teachers liked me and a few of them are my "friends" on facebook even now. I tried my best to please the grown ups in my life because the ones that were supposed to matter didn't seem to care. I can't help but think that they were blind when it came to me and my siblings, they were selfish and cared only about themselves. The egg donor and the sperm donor, they couldn't see beyond what they wanted and what made their lives convenient. As for me, I go out of my way to make my sons life everything it can be. I make sure I take time out of my day to read to him every single night because he likes it, I go to field day events to watch him shine, I help him complete school projects because it will make him feel good to earn a terrific grade and I know he can't earn it unless I make sure he stays on task. Is it easy to do these things? no it's not, but I am a mother and I chose to make these sacrifices when I chose to become one. When I made that decision to conceive a child I made the decision to help that child grow up into a responsible human being. I chose to make the sacrifices for his sake and to no longer do things for myself. I chose to be a mother and being a mother is so much more than simply giving birth.
As I mentioned before, my big day is rapidly approaching and I am getting more and more excited by the minute. I am enjoying helping my son wrap up these last minute project ideas for his class and as I watch him put it all together I am feeling so proud of him. He is really becoming such an awesome little man and as my day approaches, the day where I can say I have surpassed my egg donor, I feel not only proud of him but also proud of myself. I have become a pretty good mother, regardless of her failures and lack of teaching, I have succeeded. I have become the loving attentive mother that I always wanted as a child and I did it all by myself! I had no example of what I should do in these early years, just my gut and instincts to guide me. I have turned to hubby many times when I felt I had no clue what I was doing, but for the most part it has just come to me and I just go with the stride. I am sure I have made parenting mistakes, perhaps been nicer than I should have and haven't punished when a punishment was due. But regardless of what mistakes I have made my son is still my pride and joy and a child that I can feel proud to say "THAT'S MY BOY!"
Have a great weekend and be sure you hug those little ones, even if they've grown quite large. Tell them that you love them and apologize for your mistakes. Make your parenting decisions by what you feel is right and when it comes right down to it, you'll most likely do the right thing....and in the end your children will also be children that you can feel proud to say "THAT'S MY CHILD!"