Thursday, September 15, 2011
School was always fun because it was my Monday through Friday escape. I hated weekends and I hated vacations. I even hated summer. During those times I would have to be home 24/7 and that meant so many more hours of risking getting a beating or screamed at or both. We were not allowed to visit friends houses, not even allowed to play with the kid across the street because heaven forbid we tell anyone anything about what was going on in our house, or worse we see that normal people didn't beat their kids for even the littlest infraction of the rules. While at home we had to learn new songs to sing at whatever concert the egg donor had us scheduled to sing at or just learn them because she wanted to record us. She had big dreams of us making her rich off our singing. We were her get rich scheme and if we yelled too loud and hurt our voices, we got a beating. If we didn't learn a song fast enough, we got a beating. If we didn't like the song she wanted us to sing and we fussed or complained, we got a beating. So school was good because she wasn't there and I could play with my friends, I could run around and laugh. I could make a mistake on a song in chorus, I could play with other kids and no matter what I never got a beating. It was a relief to not get a beating even though I knew that once I got home and into the clutches of the egg donor she would surely find a reason to beat me. I tried not to think about that while at school because at school I just wanted to be one of the kids, I just wanted to be free.
My second favorite place to be was Grammy's house. She died when I was 7 or 8 years old so I didn't get to have her for very long but she was very special. She had 10 acres of apple trees and every fall we would go pick apples and then bake apple pies with her. She taught me her special recipe that I still use to this day. She also had these little shoe boxes with kids names on them and in each box she kept some of our favorite playthings. no one was allowed to play with another child's box unless they were given permission from that child. My box was filled with paper dolls and paper clothes for those dolls. I could spend hours upon hours playing with those paper dolls and my whole world of worries would go right out the window. Grammy also had this big grass hill behind her house and we would lay down at the top and roll all the way to the bottom. Sometimes we would get grass stains on our clothes that we knew would earn us a good beating but it was worth it to just let loose and have some fun rolling around in the grass.
Finally I enjoyed the grocery store because I was a very good sneak. I very quickly learned how to snag grapes and other pieces of small fruit to nibble on. I would stuff my pockets with those grapes and happily follow the egg donor through the store eating them. Once my sister dared me to steal a pack of gum....I got busted and not only did I have to take the gum back but I got the beating of a lifetime for stealing. My sister didn't get anything even though it was her idea.I never dared to steal gum again.
Yesterday I mentioned my friend that I found on facebook, I thought today would be a good day to reflect on how my experience with her helped me help my son. This past summer the Wild Child got to experience having a friend move away. This boy has been friends with him since they were in kindergarten together and they both have ADHD. The fact that they have something like that in common has really helped the Wild Child out and gave him someone to talk to about it...someone other than me or his doctor that is. It's nice to have someone your own age to relate to and this is what it was for the boys. They both have struggled in the same areas and so they could talk things through about what works and what doesn't and they could just vent to each other about having a condition that makes things harder for them. Anyway this boy moved away and it was hard for The Wild Child to accept. I told him about my friend Adrienne and how saddened I was that she had moved away, how angry I felt at her parents for taking my friend away from me, and how dearly I missed my friend even now. This showed him that I could understand and I could relate. This opened a door of communication for us so that he could talk about his feelings instead of bottling them up inside. Of course I also pointed out how lucky he is because when I was a kid we didn't have cell phones to text each other and my friend didn't have grandparents to come back and visit with every other weekend. My friend also moved a lot further away than just a 2 hour drive! He got to see that it could be worse, he could have to go 35 years before finding his friend on facebook and having to catch up then. My friend and I have started messaging on facebook and have exchanged phone numbers so we can text. 35 years later, it's kinda crazy and amazing all at the same time! I am glad to an extent though, because if I had not lost my very first and best friend back then I would not have been able to relate so well to the Wild Childs situation now. I guess everything does happen for a reason, even when they suck!
Have a great weekend everyone and hug your loved ones tight. think how you would feel if you didn't get to see them or speak with them for 35 years and then say all the things that are important to say and none of the unimportant stuff. Be thankful we live in a world of technology where anything is possible and people from your past can be found in the most unexpected of times. Find your happy places and build happy memories to hold onto for those bad days and remember good things come eventually, it just might take what feels like forever.