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Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 Years

Sure seems like a long time, an entire decade, 1/10 of a century

10 years is a long time but ask pretty much anyone alive today where they were and  what they were doing 10 years ago today and unless they were just too little to remember, they will know the answer with amazing depth. 10 years ago today feels like yesterday for most Americans and probably for many who live in other countries as well because 10 years ago today our entire world changed.

I was sitting on the couch watching Orion playing. He was almost a year old, just a week from his first birthday, he was walking and running and playing like any normal one year old. He was laughing and having fun. I turned on the tv because one of Orion's favorite shows was about to come on. What I saw was a burning tower and people running and screaming. Then a second plane flew into the second tower right next to the first one. The reporters were in shock, I was in shock. Hubby was just getting out of the shower when I told him and at first he thought I was talking about the building in Oklahoma that had already been blown up by terrorists previously. Then I explained, no it's in New York and the twin towers are gone! We watched tv in awe, unable to tear our eyes away from what was on the screen.

Meanwhile Orion continued to laugh and play and be completely oblivious to what was going on in his world. I watched him thinking to myself "My son is going to grow up in a time of war!" and asking myself "What kind of world have I brought this child into?" I tried to spend more time watching him and less watching the TV where the world was falling apart. Here in my living room we were happy and safe, out there in the big world, it was a very scary place. I wanted to stay safe inside with  my sons laughter but kept getting pulled out into the terror. It was on every channel of the TV, it was all over the radio, it was in the voices of every person around except that small boy who laughed and played.....I so wanted to be that little boy or at least be like him. I didn't want to know what was going on, I didn't want to see and comprehend what was on every channel of the tv. I just wanted to play and not have to face the big scary world that was invading our happy world.

I turned off the tv knowing that I was not going to see anything different and played with my son. I cherished his laughter, I held onto that moment because I knew that from now on, everything was going to be different outside our living room bubble. I needed to hold myself together for my boy, I needed to be strong and not be sad for all those people out there who had died or been injured or loved someone who had died or been injured. I knew I could be sad later, when he was asleep, but for that moment I needed to be a good strong mom.

September 11, 2001 will forever be embedded in my memory as I am sure it will be in your too.

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