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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Thinking of making a change

Today I was thinking about making a change, I'm still debating it and am not sure if I will or not. I was thinking of actually splitting the b log and having 2 separate blogs instead of just this one. One would be titled something like "I'm a Survivor" or something a little more creative, but it would be for the sole purpose of talking about my child abuse survival and my healing process. The second blog would be titled something along the lines of
"Confessions of an ADHD Mom" and be for the purpose of talking about this life that I live currently. Honestly I just don't know if I have the ability to post on two separate blogs lol I'll think on it some more and make a decision at some point, but for now I will keep posting about both worlds in this one blog.

Speaking of both worlds, my life as an ADHD mom has been difficult this past week. With the cat situation I had plenty of reasons to be extra irritable and short with my words. I'm not the type of person to hide my feelings well, not even for my child. I tend to carry my heart on my sleeve so to speak and I do not have a poker face. I believe in expressing my feelings and letting them show. I didn't want to do that this past week since I felt I had to be strong for the boy, but that made it harder for me to hold my tongue and I did a lot of snipping at him and he seemed to know exactly what buttons to push. I didn't medicate him most days, and that in itself is a problem. He hates taking the meds and says it makes him feel like he can't have any fun, I don't know what that means exactly but when he does take the meds he often will just wander around like he's lost, claiming he can't think of anything to do and he doesn't enjoy even playing a video game. It's almost like he's depressed or something. Besides the point that when he's on the meds he doesn't eat much of anything. So I have been having him go without the meds so he can have fun, eat food and gain some weight. He is a much happier boy without the meds, but he can't even begin to concentrate or do the right thing even when he's without. He constantly does things he's not supposed to, bouncing on the couch, running around, chasing the cats and being loud and obnoxious. He swears worse than a truck driver without meds too and then when I discipline him he says he didn't do it. He doesn't even know he's misbehaving! It's exasperating, it's frustrating, and by the end of the day I am exhausted!  I'm tired of yelling at him all day every single day and I just don't know what to do. Do I change his meds or do I just continue to fight with him all the time...I just don't know!  Any suggestions?????

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