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Friday, January 20, 2012

I know it's late....

But better late than never right?

So as I mentioned last week, I have been reflecting. I spent last week thinking about where I was, where I came from and how it effects me today. It was a rough week but I feel I came out on top. I don't like to stay in the past, it's not good there, it's dark and deep and leaves ya feeling like you need a shower. It was extra emotional for me because menopause was acting up and my hormones were all over the place, but I came through, once again, thanks to my cousin Candy! 

Honestly I think I would be lost without that girl in my life...she really knows the right things to say at the right time to make you laugh and feel better about everything. Sometimes I wonder how she can be a member of this family of ours cause she is pretty flipping AWESOME! Pretty birthday in fact, I am hopefully going to be seeing her face to face for the first time in over 20 years! The Hubby and Wild Child are taking me up to the tippy top of Maine for a snowboarding vacation for my birthday and we just so happen will be driving through her town around we're gonna try to work it out so that we can meet for lunch...I TOTALLY can not wait! I'll get a picture of her and me together to post on here if she lets me...and I'm betting she'll let me since she actually reads this blog regularly :)

Onward to week two of my reflection....where am I now??

Right now I'm in a pretty good place mentally and emotionally. I have come to fully understand that I can not change my past, it is what it is. I have also come to finally understand that saying that everyone used to tell me "Life is what you make of it" and that's what I'm working on now. 

Life Is What You Make Of what have I made?? I have made a pretty good life I think, something I can be proud of (or at least most of it) I've made some mistakes that I'm not so proud of, but those moments, those mistakes, my husband and child have helped me through those. Those days when I was in the deepest pits of despair, where I thought life was never going to be the same or was just not worth living, those days my husband seemed to just know that I needed a hug and helped me through. I managed to somehow find a man that may not be perfect, but is perfect for me! There are days when I just feel BLAH and he'll see it. He'll ask what's wrong, I'll say nothing...he'll give me that look and ask again. He asks over and over until he gets the answer because he just knows that I'm trying to put on a brave face when I'm really hurting inside...and he does not like to see me hurting. Even The Wild Child is learning that a hug for mom will go a long ways and the best ones come out of the blue when they are least expected. My little man is growing up, and he's becoming a man that I feel so proud of that it brings tears to my eyes. When I want to know what kind of life I have made, I look into his eyes and I know. I made a good life and I like it here.

I have learned that when I need a more soft touch of emotion, when I need to vent about the things of the past or try to figure out things that are going on around me involving my old life, I turn to Candy more than anyone else. She listens, she talks and she brings a light to my dark path. Although my hubby and Wild Child are awesome at fixing the here and now, I don't like to take them back there. I don't like for them (especially the Wild Child) to see that dark world. They are my light at the end of my tunnel, Candy is my candle that sees me through...because Candy has been there and she knows our genes carry evil. She, like me, has had to work through family crap and since it's the same family...she gets it. She and I seem to have a similar view on moving forward and leaving the junk behind us. When I begin to wander off my path, she leads me back and reminds me to keep looking at the two lights at the end of my tunnel. Candy is my Cousin, My sister, and my Friend! I am very happy to have her back in my life :-)

Next week......Where Am I Going??

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