Thursday, January 6, 2011
This week I had a situation with my son that took me back to my childhood, it involved the school, him making a bad decision and trying to lie to get out of it. Our situations weren't exactly the same, but as I found myself asking myself "What would the egg donor have done if I did this?" I couldn't help but think back to a time when I was about his age and I made a bad decision and tried with all my might to lie my way out of a hole.
When I was about 9 or 10 years old I had basically 1 friend. She had been my best friend since 1st grade, we played together at recess all the time, we played together before school and tried to sit next to each other in the classroom when we got to choose our seats. We tried to sit on the rug together, read together in the library and be on the same team when it came to gym class. We were basically inseparable and I loved having someone who actually liked me and didn't hit me or hurt me in any way. 30 years later we still talk (through facebook) we have kids the same age and we are still friends. Back then though, we didn't want to be apart from each other ever and so one day we spent recess creating our master plan to get to play together after school. Her mother would never allow her to have friends over without their parents permission or without knowing the parents. My mother would never allow me to have a friend over ever and besides the point I wouldn't want her to witness the hovel I lived in or risk her seeing me get hit. So we both sat and very carefully wrote letters to the others parent. We thought we were being really smart, copy our parents handwriting, tell the other parent that we were giving permission for (in my case) me to go to her house on the bus after school and (in her case) her to have me over for the afternoon. W didn't think much beyond the fact that we just wanted to play together. We signed our parents names and our big plan went into action. We figured each parent would read the note, see the nice handwriting and agree. We thought we would get away with this and her mother would be too tired to drive me home after work so I would get to spend the night too. I thought my egg donor would love the chance to get rid of me for a day and I would, for one night, be safe from the rape and hurt that always happened there.
We went home that day with notes in hand, handed them over to our parents and then something unexpected happened.....a phone call. Darn it, I knew I was in trouble before she even got off the phone. You could see the manic gleam in her eye as she spoke with my friends mother who was simply calling to verify that it was ok for me to come over. Apparently our handwriting wasn't as neat as we thought it was and it wasn't really believable. As they spoke the egg donors lip got tight like it always did when she was mad, her knuckles around the phone handle began to turn white. Her face became reddened and her breathing began to get heavy. I knew I was in for it, I knew I should have run for it before she could get off that phone but somehow I was there in major trouble and I didn't know what to do.
I tried to lie and say it was all my friends idea, that it was a joke and we hadn't really meant it. I cried and said it would never happen again...but it was no good and I was in some major trouble! I got a good beating for that one and locked in the closet for good measure.
My son will never learn his lessons the way I did, he will not learn through fear.
This week has also been very special on a good note. When I was growing up I had an amazing uncle, his name was Hiram and he was my all time favorite uncle. He was a great man, so funny and he could play the harmonica so beautifully! I haven't heard his harmonica playing in close to 30 years but I remember it and loved it. Well his granddaughter, my cousin, is one of my friends on facebook and she sent my son some maple candy for Christmas. She told me to be careful opening the tissue because she had put a little something in there for me too and so we opened the box with care when it arrived just the other day. Inside the box we found plenty of maple candy, enough to last the boy almost a year LOL Then, in the very bottom of the box, I found a cd. It was an hour long cd of my uncle playing the harmonica! I burned it into my desktop and my laptop and I sat here listening to his music and I began to cry. I suddenly remembered sitting in his living room singing along to him playing the same songs I was listening to, it was such a beautiful sound. He passed away last year, so I feel very honored to have him here with me now playing his harmonica forever.
Ok peoples that's it for today. Enjoy your weekend and remember....if your kids lie to you or they do something bad, don't teach them a lesson through fear and violence, teach them instead with love. It works much better!