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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Some reflections

Orion has this girl that he likes to play with occassionally. She is a really sweet girl, adopted from Russia by her parents, and has a few issues like speech and hearing. She struggles in school but somehow maintains enough to stay within her grade level. She's 10 years old, socially a little immature, but for the most part she's a good kid.

She was over here the other day and her mother told her before coming that she wasn't allowed to play in Orions bedroom alone because they had to keep the playdate "clean" (yes she used the word clean) Well we don't really have the space for Orion to have his own playroom so the vast majority of his toys and electronic equipment is in his bedroom (keyboard, video games, computer and a tv with DVD player) I allowed them to play in there, they just had to keep the door open.

While she was here I took them over to the school playground and parking lot where they could ride Orions dirtbike without being in traffic. It was at this time that the girl says to me "When I grow up I'm going to marry young, say maybe 20 years old. I'm going to marry a man with a motorcycle and money" It struck me as odd that this girl has no big plans in her future except to marry money.

An hour or so after that her mother came to pick her up and I mentioned this to her mother and her mothers response was "as long as he has money" Then she tells me that the world needs physicians and beauticians and that her daughter can be the beautician who marries the physician because she's never going to be smart enough to do anything else.

Isn't that so sad??

I think so...and now I know why her daughters only dreams are to marry young and marry into money.

Personally I think it's a shame! I know that the girl struggles with school, I know she has issues and learning problems, but why not get her some medication for her ADHD,  get her some tutors and encourage her to be the best that she can be. Why not teach her to, at the very least, be self-sufficient so that she doesn't have to rely on a man to take care of her. Don't get me wrong, I totally rely on my hubby for our financial needs. I didn't finish college and I had a lot of trouble learning things but when I was in my 20's I was a general manager of 4 Dunkin Donuts, I could have taken care of myself if I truly needed to but I did have my hubby and together we did so many fun things. It was comforting to know that I could have taken care of myself if I needed to. Of course now here I am almost 40, haven't been in the work force for over 10 years and have only worked part time from home as an independent contractor and a lot of employers don't consider that serious work or verifiable work. I am struggling to get an education from home so that maybe in another 6 months or so I can go back into the work force and make more than the average Dunkin Donuts cashier. All I ever wanted to be was a mom, I wanted to grow up, get married and have babies. Reality is here and although I have everything I ever wanted I am finding that I really should have put myself out there more, I really should have had bigger dreams because if anythng were to happen to my hubby or my marriage I would be in deep doo-doo and I would have a very hard time supporting myself and my son. I didn't look at the bigger picture!

I can only hope that this little girl learns that she needs to have bigger dreams and she is going to need to be able to make a living because bad things happen all the time and there's nothing worse than looking at your life and knowing that you would not be ok if anything should happen to that one person you married. You simply need to want to be more...I hope that in time I will be more and then I can show my son that girls can be more, moms can be more and we can still be good moms.

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