My Tickers

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Sissy is safe! I am so happy this week knowing that Sissy finally realized that it was in her best interest to get away from that boyfriend of hers! She has moved away from him and is now in an apartment with her daughter.


It's pouring rain outside, it's a cold rain that creeps into your bones, your joints, your very soul. It makes everything seem so gloomy and makes me feel like crying right along with those clouds outside. It's on these kinds of days where I find myself reflecting on my youth more than ever, I guess the cold rain brings out the depression in me and depression makes me do nothing but dwell on what a rough life I have had.  I hate these kinds of days because it's usually when I want to forget it the most.

For instance today I woke up and it was cold in our bedroom, my son had crawled into the bed between me and hubby and was snug and cozy. I didn't want to get up because I was remembering how when I was little I would have given just about anything to have the chance to cuddle with a loving parent on such a cold morning and I wanted to share that with my son so that he would never find himself waking up wishing he could of  had that. I don't want him to ever feel that he wanted something so simple and that his mother didn't give it to him. What was it going to cost me to lay there and love my son? What would it of cost her to love me? The answer is costs nothing more than a push of the snooze  button and another 9 minutes, a price that I gladly paid. As I lay there with him all snuggled up and warm next to me, I couldn't help but remember the cold beds we slept in as children. How we had to melt snow on the potbelly stove, get it good and hot and then fill up some jars to make hot water bottles. We would put then under our covers to warm our sheets and sleep wrapped around them in hopes of staying warm. Lots of nights Sissy would sleep with me and we would curl up close so that we could keep each other warm. Sometimes the egg donor would forget to pay the electric bill and all the lights would be out for days on end, there was no oil for the heat so we had to use kerosene heaters and the potbelly stove. The pipes would freeze in the basement or the well would freeze up and so we had no running water. In those cold days we would have to get snow from the yard, melt it on the stove and use that to flush the toilet or for bathing. If there was no snow then we simply had no water and we would have to use a bucket in the bathroom and then take it out to the swamp to dump it. I remember that being Sissy's job mostly, she would be so embarrassed having to carry a bucket of foul smelling mess out to the swamp to dump. I felt bad for her but at the same time I was thankful to not be her.


Have a nice weekend and try to stay warm :) Cuddle your children close and let them be littl as long as they want!

No comments: