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Friday, July 10, 2009

Flashy Friday

It's once again time to flashback and look into the dark depths that was my life. Review things from the past and see if I can find any lessons that can be learned from these events.

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For those who are new to Flashy Friday, it's my own unique twist on a weekly themed post. I pick 2 or 3 things to have a "flashback" on and tell the lessons I have learned from these things. I flash 2 or 3 events each week, one of which will be from the first 11 years of my life....this is because my first 11 years were filled with abuse and unimaginable things. When I was 11 I was placed in foster care because of these horrid events, but I never fully recovered. Flashy Friday is my cheap therepy and hopefully someone will happen upon it and my words will help them heal as well...for some good must come from the evil. And so, without further ado, here is this weeks Flashy Friday

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Today my "mother thoughts" are easy...I feel like CRAP...yes I said the "C word" that I keep telling my son to erase from his vocabulary but at least I can get the context right and not use it in every single sentence I say lol Besides I'm feeling miserably sick with back ache (that I have had for about 2 weeks now) sore throat, stomach ache and an overall feeling of ick! Why would this make me think of my mother???? Well, quite frankly, everytime I get sick I am reminded of one event in particular and of course it has to do with her.

I was about 7 or 8 years old, sick as a dog, barely able to stand on my own two feet. I was running a pretty good fever, dizzy everytime I stood up (or even sat up for that matter) and vomiting like there's no tomorrow. I'm sure it was a very nasty case of the flu....since I now know what the symptoms are and they fit. I had stayed home sick one day, which irritated my mother to no end but she had let me stay home and I slept pretty much all day. I couldn't keep anything down so she didn't have to worrry about feeding me or anything like that, and I was pretty good at crawling to the bathroom to throw up so I wouldn't have to change my own sheets on my bed or even worse, lay in my own throw up because she sure as heck wasn't changing any sheets.

Day 2 she decided I had been home long enough and that I needed to go to school. I woke up throwing up still, feverish and feeling aweful. She made me get out of bed anyway. I cried to her that I was sick, I begged and pleaded with her to let me stay home, I knew there was no way I was walking the mile to school (actually it was just under the mile line so that's why I had to walk) YES I walked to school UPHILL BOTH WAYS! (As I have explained to my son who does not believe that's possible, I lived on one side of the hill, the school was on the bottom on the other side of the hill, therefore it was uphill then downhill going to and from school) Anyway (sory to get sidetracked there but most people laugh when you say such a thing and I feel the need to explain my pain and suffering lol ) Anyway.....onward here....I remember getting out of bed and walking across the living room floor directly into the wall. I remember my sister laughing at me and my mother yelling at me that I was faking just to get out of going to school. I don't know where she got that idea since I simply LOVED school....it was my one escape from her, why wouldn't I love it and why would I want to stay away from it.....never claimed the woman had any common sense! So I walked into the wall and she yelled at me, forced some clothing onto me and had my brother and sister assist me in walking to school. I managed to get to school, threw up in the bathroom (and a few times on the walk) then I went to my classroom and lay my head on my desk. I felt simply horrid! I was sent to the school nurse who ever so kindly called my mother to come and get me. She explained how sick I was and that I would be in the nurses office until my mother got there. She never came! I remember lying in the bed at the nurses office hearing the kids run out to recess, wishing I could go out with them. I remember hearing them line up outside her office as they waited for lunch, some of them talking about me and how my mother hadn't showed up yet...I was humiliated and embarrassed that they all knew she had not cared enough to come. 2:30 rolled around and the nurse allowed my brother and sister to walk me home with a note for my mother saying I should stay home for a couple more days....do you think she let me???? NOPE she sent me back every single day. I spent all week sleeping in the nurses office all day and being walked to and from school by my brother and sister. Not once did the school call social services...I don't know why they didn't. I mean seriously, think about it, a mother sends her sick kid to school refuses to keep her home regardless of the fact that the school has suggested she stay home. By day 3 I remember hearing the nurse say to my teacher that it would be useless to call the mother and to just let me sleep in her office until the end of the day. She was a great nurse and took great care of me but I can't help but wonder if they couldn't have saved me from a few years of suffering if they had only called social services instead of my mother!

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Growing pains....anyone remember having them??? I sure do! I remember that burning sensation in my shins and rubbing them really hard and fast because the heat of the friction made them feel better. I remember my brothers and sisters saying that I was exagerating, my mother saying I needed to stop trying to get attention, and my legs hurting so bad I could barely walk. After a few days the pain would subside and I would be a bit taller...I distinctly remember those days and it's a good thing I do because now I can sympathize with my son who apparently has inherited these same growth spurts and growing pains. He cries out in the night with pain in his legs, he kicks and thrashes around all night long, if I rub his shins it helps ease his pain and he manages to get some sleep. Motrin helps some, tylenol is useless, nothing but the rubbing or a heating pad will truly help ease the pain enough to help him sleep. I have this bag I put in the microwave that heats up, he likes that on his shins and it seems to help, but he says the rubbing is even better so I sit up most the night rubbing his shins so he can sleep (and I wonder why I'm sick) The poor kid has been suffering the past 3 nights...on the plus side he's grown 1/4 inch so far and it should only be a couple more days if he stays on pattern. Yes...I posted that correctly he's grown 1/4 inch..I measured him on Tuesday and he was 55 1/4 inches tall. Then yesterday morning he was saying he felt taller so I put him against the chart and he was 55 1/2 inches tall. Barefoot both times and I made sure he wasn't on tip-toes! He is now less than 1 foot shorter than me...less than a foot!!!! He is the same exact height I was when I went into foster care at just over 11 years old and he weighs about 15 pounds heavier than I was at the time (I was 4 feet seven 1/2 inches and weighed in at 47 pounds) Orion is 4 feet seven and 1/2 inches and weighs in at 63 pounds...and the doctor and I are working to get that up...the adderrall makes it hard for him to gain weight! Needless to say, he's a bit healthier than I was and concidering I was that height at 11 years old he'll definately be taller than me in no time! I just wish there was a way to make it less painful for the poor kid, growing pains are no fun!

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I'm feeling pretty ichy still and Orion is watching cartoons quietly. I think I'll get off this computer and go join him...he's a good enough kid that if I'm lucky he'll make me some tea and tuck me up in a blanket and cuddle with me until I start to feel better. He hates it when mom is sick but he likes to take care of me so I'm off to be pampered. I hope everyone has a great weekend, enjoy your loved ones and have some fun!

2 comments:

Sweet Mama Jones said...

You've come a long way baby! Orion is an awesome kid who loves to take care of his mama because she takes good care of him....keep up the good work. :)

parentingBYdummies said...

Yeah, growing pains! Never believed it when I was a kid, thought parents were totally making it up. If they were, I'm guilty too because I tell my kids they are having them all the time! Thanks for stopping by my place for my big par-tay yesterday. Hope to see you again soon:)