Kept him home

Boy woke up this morning with a 101.9 fever, sore throat and sore, swollen glands in his neck. I called the peds office just to go over his symptoms and make sure it wasn't anything to worry about..they asked me to bring him into the lab for a throat culture and an H1N1 test just to be on the safe side. I took him in for that...in and out in less than 3 minutes...and they'll call me tomorrow only if it's positive for anything. If I don't hear from them it's negative and he's just got a virus/cold and nothing to worry about.

So needless to say he stayed home from school, hung out on the couch watching cartoons and playing xbox all day long. I maintained the fever with alternating doses of motrin and tylenol, but as soon as it wore off the fever came right back. Looks like no school tomorrow either since the fever won't stay down with out fever reducing meds. Not that he'll mind in the least lol he's not a real big fan of school!

Looks like the boy is getting sick :(

Yep, Orion has been coughing a few times a day the past few days, sniffling on and off but nothing too major. Tonight I did the unimaginable (that's kissing his forehead just don't tell him I told you cause that's just way embarrassing for a 9 year old!) ANYWAY, he felt warm so I popped the old thermometer into his ear and came out with 101.2. I know, I know, it's not that high BUT the school sent me an e-mail just today about reported cases of the flu and how it wasn't confrmed H1N1 but it was definately the flu and if the kids show a fever over 100.1 we should keep them home until they have had a 24 hour period of being below 100.1 without any form of fever reducing medication. SO it looks like Orion will most likely be staying home from school tomorrow and I am praying for no fever so he'll be able to go to school on Wednesday. I do not see a reason to take him to the doctor though...that's a sure way to get him sick and keep him home for a week lol

Thoughtful Thursday

This is gonna be a quickie today because I'm trying to type it out as Orion is bouncing on his trampoline outside with a friend that came home from school with him.

Basically todays thoughts came to me as I opened Orions bookbag today to find his school photos :)

The photo cd that came with the pictures had all 3 of those styles on it, the photos themselves are only in the color.

Anyway, as I looked at his photos I was taken back to my elementary school years when I would be victim of the worst taunting and teasing because I was basically the only kid in the class who did not get photos back. The kids around me would all be so happy, laughing, cutting out their pictures, signing the backs and exchanging with other kids in the class....I would sit there sadly unable to because my mother had refused to "waste the money" I had a really good friend who would always give me her photo and I cherished that because it meant I was her real friend, someone she cared enough to give her class photo to, yeah that was really nice and made the day a little easier to get through. She was always kind and generous, always willing to play with me and talk to me when the other kids would be laughing at me, picking on me for being wierd or calling me 4-eyes because I wore glasses. She never said a mean thing to me and always had a kind sympathetic look on her face, she and I still talk through facebook and she will always hold a special place in my heart!

Today was a big day

Our children have many firsts in their lives and once we get past the first smile, first word, first tooth, first steps, first day of school etc we stop thinking about the firsts for awhile.....then something happens and another first comes along to remind us that our babies are indeed growing up and they aren't babies anymore.

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Today was such a day!

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Today Orion had a friend over, he called his friend up and asked him to come and he said he would be here in a few minutes (he lives just around the corner) and indeed 5 minutes later he's at the front door asking to use the phone to call his mom and let her know he arrived safe and sound. He rode his scooter to our house without her supervision. And so after playing here at my house for a couple of hours they decided they wanted to go over to his house for awhile and of course they wanted to ride their scooters and they didn't want me to come. I watched my boy put on his helmet and scoot away down the street calling out to him to call as soon as he arrived and then waited anxiously by the phone for what felt like forever (but I'm sure was really less than 5 minutes) for him to call home.

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My baby had his first solo flight today, what a scary moment for mom!

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate....

There is no doubt in my mind when it comes to regular everyday kinds of childhood vaccines, yes definately vaccinate. There is no doubt in my mind when it comes to even the regular annual flu shot....there's only been 1 year that Orion didn't get it and that year he ended up missing out on his best friends birthday party because he was at home with a 104.5 fever and the flu!

The question about vaccinating comes around when it concerns the H1N1 vaccine. Some say it's harmless, a good idea, better than not getting it and taking your chances. Others say it's a really bad idea, untested, and not even sure if it will work. I have read on blogs about moms not getting it for their kids after discussing with their doctors and finding that their doctors won't give the shot to their own children, I have read pharmacists won't get the shot unless they are forced to because they know what's in the vaccine (now that's a scary thought!) AND the biggest thing that got me to thinking?????? This is literally the only year where our health insurance company called us to remind us to get our son vaccinated!!!! They did not call when he was a newborn, they did not call when he was a baby getting annual shots. They did not call when he started school and would suddenly be exposed to way more children and germs, they have NEVER, EVER called us EXCEPT when they were doing their surveys to make sure we didn't have other forms of insurance that could help THEM save on costs! Now they are calling me reminding me to get my son vaccinated with what appears to be an experimental vaccine????

HMMMM makes me think SHANANAGANS!

So what are your thoughts??? Will your children be getting the H1N1 vaccine? Help a mom out and give me some thought on this pretty please!

Thoughtful Thursday...a day late

Hubby was home yesterday so I didn't really get around to posting on the blog. He's the kind of guy who wants to be my hero, he wants to protect me from the big bad world...and I love him for it except when it comes to my past.

He always says it's no good to run from your problems, that you have to face them in order to make them go away.....but when I talk about my past he has a contradictory point of view. He doesn't like it when i talk about my life before, my family, growing up in Vermont etc. He doesn't like it because he wasn't able to be there to protect me and stop the hurt. He says I should just forget about it, that was my life then and this is my life now and I should just move on. Although I do agree that moving on is important, lord knows I don't want to be stuck in my past, I do feel it's important to remember my life and try to learn from past mistakes. Not just my past mistakes, but also the mistakes of others. Besides, who I am today has a lot to do with how I grew up. If I had not been abused I might not feel so strongly about certian topics, I might not be as careful about a lot of things, I might be too trusting of strangers and get badly hurt....afterall, if my own parents could do the things to me they did, what would a stranger do??? They don't have an emotional bond, they don't even know my name, they wouldn't miss me if I no longer existed.....not really sure if that was true of my parents either but it's the way we think when we are abused. We love our abusers regardless of how they treat us because they are our parents. Today, I can honestly say that I no longer love my egg donor and my sperm donor, they were merely the pathway to my existance, they were not really parents, but tyrants in my young life. I can understand now...back then I loved them because they were my parents...today I understand they were messed up big time and did not deserve that love.

Anyway, back to hubby, he gets very upset when I talk about my life as a child....even if it's to share one of the few happy childhood memories I have. His face gets tight, his muscles get tense, you can literally see a transformation happening. That look of anger and hatred used to put me back into my zone thinking he was angry with me....now I know he's just angry at my past because he couldn't protect me from the evil. A part of me simply does not understand this train of thought. Shouldn't I be the one who is that angry that they can't even mention it? Shouldn't it be me that gets tense when my life is mentioned? Shouldn't it be me that wants the conversation to stop?? He was born in 1969...2 years before me...what could he haave possibly done to help? How could he have saved me from that pain?? He couldn't, but I shouldn't have to forget that I existed and suffered and (more importantly IMO) I SURVIVED! I am living proof that there is life after child abuse, there is hope. I feel awful for those poor children who are so much worse off than I was, the children who are dead before they have a chance to get out, the children who are returned to their parents because they aren't old enough to have a voice to speak up and say "NO I will not go back!" I don't see how those social workers can be so blind, how they can't see the parents have not fixed their issues....only that the issues were gone when the kids were in foster care. There's an old saying that I once heard about men

"Once a cheater, always a cheater"

Why doesn't that apply to abusers as well? Are there any cases where the parent abuses the child, the child gets taken away, given back and the parent never abuses again??? I doubt it!

"Once an abuser, always an abuser"

Now that makes sense to me.

There are no specific thoughts today, just my random thoughts. Ya'all have a great weekend and hug those babies close 'cause they'll only be little for awhile and one day they're going to understand you a heck of a lot more than you want them to...and when that day happens I hope mine can look back and still say with earnest

"I love you mom!"

I've been tagged :)

I was tagged by Sweet Mama Jones

She's really awesome, you should check her out sometime if you haven't already :)

A - Age: 38 (I know, I'm getting OLD!)

B - Bed size: King

C - Chore you hate: Laundry

D - Dog's name: Gig..official AKC name is Gig A Byte (he was named by my son when we bought him, Orions favorite show was Hotwheels World Race and the inventor of the cars had a pet computer named Gig so that's what he named his dog lol)

E - Essential start your day item: COFFEE,and if I don't have it BEWARE!!!

F - Favorite color: Pink or Purple, it depends on my mood but it's always one of those two

G - Gold or Silver: Gold...if we're talking my hair color lol For jewelry it really doesn't matter, I like them both just fine ;)

H - Height: 5'7" and 1/4 Although I USED to be 5'9"

I - I am: simply me...you don't like that well tough ninnies...go away lol

J - Job: MOM secondary job is Virtual Customer Service Rep.

K - Kids: Not kidS, just one kid and he's awesome (unless you count the hubby who is just a big kid, then yeah I have kidS lol)

L - Living arrangements: I live in a little house with my hubby, my son, 5 cats, a dog and a hamster

M - Mom's name: My egg donor mother was named Fleda, my mom...aka mother in law, her name is Pam

N - Nicknames: Mom, Ma, Deb,

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Emergency appendectomy

P - Pet Peeve: Leaving the cereal bowl in the middle of the living room floor!

Q - Quote from a movie: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. " Inigo Montoya..The Princess Bride

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: LOTS! 3 older brothers, 3 older sisters, 2 younger foster sisters

T - Time you wake up: Whenever the boys (hubby and Orion) kick me out of bed in the morning

U- Underwear: what about em? Yes I wear em, most people do right?

V - Vegetable you dislike: Spinach...ewwww yucky!

W - Ways you run late: Honestly I usually early because I worry so much about being late lol

X - X-rays you've had: Do I really have to list them all??? Let's see...Head, arm, wrist, leg, ankles,back, shoulder, elbow...did I mention my mother was abusive???

Y - Yummy food you make: APPLE PIE!!!! It's to die for!!! I use my Grammy Grace's recipe, I have yet to find a person who doesn't like my pie...even people who don't like pie love my pie!!! When Thanksgiving comes around I'll be baking pies daily for a week because so many people have tried my pie and now buy them off me (great for black friday shopping ;))

Z - Zoo favorite: I love all the animals except the birds that I am deathly allergic to but my all time favorite has to be the White Tiger


OK TAG YOU'RE IT!!!!

Crafty Mummy 2 Two

Pregnant With Cancer

Postcards From Insanity

The Adventures of Mr. Busypants

Thoughtful Thursday

It's funny how life seems to pass us by and before we know it we're getting old, our kids are no longer kids and we find ourselves looking back saying

"WHAT HAPPENED??"

Where does the time go? why does it go by so fast and why is it the older I get the more I find myself asking these very questions??? If I were an everday kind of girl I could turn to my mother for advice, ask her what to do about my son not wanting to stay in bed at night, how to get him to tell the truth even when he thinks he's going to be punished. I could ask her about menopause and the night flashes and how to get through them without driving my husband insane, how to deal with the raging hormones and overall craziness that comes with "the change of life". I could do these things if I were an ordinary girl.....but I'm not and she wasn't an ordinary mother and so I must doggy paddle my way through this thing called motherhood, I must struggle and try to figure out the right way to do it and hope I don't end up with a screwed up grown-up who looks back on his life asking these same kinds of questions. I can only hope that in doing the opposite of what she would have done I manage to get at least some of it right.

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One of the things I remember most about my childhood is the kitchen we had. I know that sounds a bit wierd, but you have to have lived there to understand. First in the corner of the room the ceiling had a big hole in it where you could see the slats of wood and insulation hanging through. Then the floor was covered in this wierd brown stuff that, no matter how much you swept, it always brought up dust and dirt and you could never, EVER, get it clean (which resulted in many hours of sweeping and beatings for not getting clean) The old stove in the corner was the stove behind which, my older sister would hide her egg yolks because she hated yolks and mother wouldn't let you leave until you cleaned your plate. I clearly remember the smell that came from there after awhile when enough egg yolks had been hidden there and they began to rot. Mother would smell it, get mad, pull out the stove, scream, beat and then try to get my poor sister to eat the rotten eggs because it was wasting food! The first time I saw that I made sure my sister never "wasted" another yolk by eatting her yolks for her. I was a good little sister and cleaned the plates of siblings if they didn't want to eat something...probably how I survived as long as I did. I remember mother forcing us to sit at the table and not leave until we had finished every last drop on our plates and if we fell asleep in our plates the food was placed in the fridge where it would be re-served cold and disgusting for breakfast. If we fought and chose not to eat it for breakfast and went off to school hungry, we were served the plate of cold gross food for dinner that night. This cycle could go on for days on end until we broke down and ate the food. We quickly learned tricks for hiding food so we didn't have to eat some of the things she fed us. Dandilion greens was the bane of my existance in my youth, HATED eatting them, they taste gross and bitter but sometimes it was the only thing to eat. My favorite time of year was fall and early winter when we got to go deer hunting and kill something yummy that would feed us for months, provide warmth for our feet in the form of slippers and really fun horns that could become short swords that we could stab each other with or stab at trees or other inanimate objects and pretend they were our mother.

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Dreams are the window to our minds, they show us things about ourselves we may not fully understand. The dreams show our inner-most desires in unusual ways. For instance, I clearly remember this one dream I used to have all the time when I was a little girl. I would be running across the front yard way ahead of my mother who was chasing me. She always had either a rolling pin or a leather belt in her hand and she was always screaming like a mad banshee, nothing comprehendable, just screaming as she chased me. I would get to the edge of the road and pause to look for a car or a truck, anyone to flag down who would be able to save me from this raging woman. No one ever came! I would look over my shoulder and she would be running at me full speed, I knew she was going to quickly catch me so I would start running down the road and as I ran I would flap my arms like a bird, close my eyes and say to myself "I wish I could fly" When I opened my eyes I would be soaring over the telephone poles and electrical wires, looking down I would watch my mother shaking her fists screaming for me to "come down this instant!" But then I would laugh, look away from her and fly off into the mountains where I knew I would be safe and she would never ever find me. I remember that feeling of freedom and comfort, feeling safe and content. But then I would wake up and look around only to realize it was just a dream and I was not safe and no matter how much I wanted it to be different, nothing had changed.

So what does that dream tell me? It tells me that as a child I longed to escape the reality that was my life, I longed to get away and be safe, I wanted to be free of the evilness that I had to live with. I wanted nothing more than pure joy and freedom. I don't really recall exactly when the dream stopped recurring, and just the other day, for some reason I thought about it and tried to pinpoint when I stopped having it. I do remember having it while in foster care, usually before court meetings or DSS meetings. The times when the judge or my social worker would sit down with me, my foster parents, and my mother to decide if I should return home. I guess I dreaded those meetings because I didn't want to go back, I so strongly desired to be free and remain free that the dream world helped me escape for a few blessed hours while I slept. I've come to the conclussion that I must not really mind the life I live now because I have not had that dream in many many years...my dream must have finally come true and I have finally escaped!

Thoughtful Thursday

Do you see this face? Do you see the sadness in the eyes? Do you see the pain hidden deep inside? This was me when I was my sons age.....a sad hurting little girl!

As I go through my life I have always searched for answers to things that had no real answer. Things like....how could my mother beat me? what caused her to be the evil person she was? Why was I molested? Why were my sisters molested? Why didn't anyone look beyond those eyes and lend a hand? I have searched long and hard for these answers...to no avail. But then a part of me sees things in me and I start to think that maybe I can find an answer....

I suffer with PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder ) It's like PMS on steroids! It's horrible, you wake up pissed off and irritated and it does not go away. Your body hurts, you snap at anyone who looks at you...not just the ones who look at you funny. The littlest thing sets you off into a rampage and you end up either screaming and yelling and feeling like hitting someone or you end up bawling your eyes out trying to figure out what the hell the number is to the local psych hospital because you are certian you are going crazy! It starts about 1 to 2 weeks before your lovely friend shows up for her monthly visit and it goes away within a few days of her arrival. I take medication for it because I realized I was turning into my mother and although I NEVER once hit my child, I did yell for no reason and I knew I was hurting him emotionally and I did not want to do that. PMDD did not set in until after my son was born, doctors say the hormonal changes of age and giving birth probably activated it. ANYWAY...I wonder if maybe that is my answer....maybe mother suffered from PMDD too. Maybe it's genetic and she didn't have the modern medical studies on her side. I don't want to make excuses for what she did, but for some reason it helps me to overcome if I can rationalize it to the extent that it was something she couldn't control....like my PMDD. I can only control it with medication.....she didn't have that option.

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One memory I want to talk about today is one that doesn't directly involve me...I had remembered it one way but in talking to my sister recently I have discovered that it is not exactly as I remembered it and I want to put it down so it becomes concrete....because once it's concrete I can then let it go.

This was one of the most scary moments in my life, it was shortly before we were taken into foster care. Big sister #2 had come home from school on the bus, she had flirted with the bus driver (I think they were having relations, but I am not positive about that as I was only 11 and I was out of the loop on relationships at the time) Mother had obviously seen something happen because I remember standing in the living room and mother was beating the crap out of Big sister #2 for being a "devil woman" She was screaming at her, calling her all kinds of names saying she was going to send her to hell to live with the devil...in other words she was going to kill my big sister! I remember big sister #2 spitting in mothers face and that's when it got really bad. Big sister #2 was the responsible one, the one I looked to for mothering...this was not good. Then big sister #3 grabbed mother and tried to pull her off of big sister #2 since big sister #2 was lying on the floor covered in blood and mother was still beating the crap out of her. Mother grabbed the pillow off my bed (remember I slept in the living room) and she put that pillow over big sister #3's face and was determined to kill her right then and there. I was terrified, I remember thinking to myself that if they were killed I would be next or worse I would suffer worse beatings for the rest of my life because she would have less kids to beat on. I remember the fear, my throat closing, having trouble catching my breath. I remember the inability to cry out, to do anything other than watch this horror....then my mothers boyfriend pulled mother off of big sister #3 and saved her life....little did I know that he was also raping her and big sister #2! I now wonder if they would have prefered to die at that moment, were they disappointed that they had been saved to suffer another day??

Initially I had not remembered that day like that. I had somehow blocked out older sister #3, it was older sister #2 who was under the pillow in my memories, it was she who had been saved by mothers boyfriend. Somehow it had been too much for me to watch big sister #3 get hurt in that way. As I talked to her on the phone we talked about our childhood memories and I brought that one up and she corrected me. I think my therapist and myself have been right all along...there is a zone I had/have where I block out the really bad stuff. There is a place inside me that holds the memories correctly and in the right places, I am hoping that in talking to my big sister she can help me fill in the blanks so I can find peace. She and I were very close, I honestly would be lost without her!

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Another memory I want to mention is not a physical abuse nor a sexual abuse story...it is more of a psychological abuse, an example of the mind games mother used to play. I was little, so the details are very vague, I have no reason why she did this, just that it happened. It was confirmed by my sister so I know it did happen.

See I remember one day for whatever reason mother took a shotgun out of the gun cabinet, some bullets and headed to the basement. What I didn't know was that she had also taken a bottle of ketchup down with her. She went into the basement and locked the door, I stood at that door screaming and crying, afterall she was my mother and she was going to kill herself. I did not understand. We heard the gun shot, mother cried out, then we heard her staggering up the steps. She opened the door, there was what I believed to be blood all over her shirt. I screamed, I was histerical...one of those people you want to slap in a horror film! My brothers and sisters were all laughing in her face, they were yelling at me that it was not real, that it was fake. I did not believe them...I was traumatized, probably in some form of shock, I just kept screaming at the top of my lungs and they just kept laughing and yelling that it was not real. Mother got mad because they were laughing, they got into big trouble for it because her nasty mind trick didn't work and she took it that they didn't care about her...I was just a little girl, maybe 4 or 5 years old, I still don't understand how she could do that to me.

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Well that's it for this week. Today is a 1/2 day at school and I have a parent/teacher meeting so I need to get into a shower and get cleaned up so I can look somewhat presentable lol

And the thought for the week....don't play mind games with your kids, it might not work out the way you thought it would. Chances are they're smarter than you think and they'll just laugh in your face. Kudos to my brother and sisters for doing just that!

It's a catastrophy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY COFFEE MAKER DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

A moment of silence for my poor devoted, hard working coffee maker who has brought me immeasurable amounts of love and enjoyment....I drink A LOT of coffee! My coffee maker has brewed wonderful aromas day and night, it gave me the liquid gold that I desire and savor on a daily basis! If I could have hooked an IV from that brewer to my arm I probably would have LOL seriously I love my coffee. It's not just the caffienne, it's the smell, the way it makes me smile and relax when I smell it, the way the brewer gurgles when it's done brewing. I will miss my coffee maker dearly, I hope I can find another just like it!

It's the end of life as I know it until the 1st of next month when I'll have a big enough paycheck to buy another one...the one coming on the 16th is tiny because I had that bad flu and couldn't work for 10 days due to no voice....yeah that one is barely gonna cover a bill or two and that's it, no coffee maker for me until the bigger check arrives. :(:(:( I don't know if I can survive that long, I might even have to break down and buy ....dare I say it... INSTANT COFFEE! I hate the stuff, but it's probably better than nothing.

I just don't understand.........

When I was a kid and you had school picture day the photographer ALWAYS handed out combs to every child so you could comb your hair and look nice.
Today Orion had school pictures taken and not only did they not hand out any combs but they didn't even have the kids look in a mirror to make sure they looked halfway descent AND they took the photo AFTER recess which means lord only knows what condition he was in when the photo was taken! He's a 9 year old boy who was out at recess in the sun so chances are he was a bit sweaty and his hair was probably a bit disheveled....especially since his hair is on the long side. HOPEFULLY I did not spent $47 on a photo that I would have deleted out of my digital camera! I guess only time will tell **sigh**

What a great day

This morning Orion and I headed down to Lowes to sell some popcorn for Cub Scouts. If you are familiar with cub scouts you'll probably know they sell popcorn every year just like the girl scouts sell their cookies. So we headed down to Lowes to sell some popcorn for Orions pack. We get down there and one of the leaders has a stack of popcorn boxes, no paperwork, no table to display it on, nothing.....so we call our pack master to see what we should do...they are at church and can't really help us out. Basically by the time we got paperwork, envelope for money and a table for displaying we had lost out on 45 minutes of our 2 hour time slot. Orion was behaving AMAZINGLY!!

Did I mention that we woke up late so he did not have any adderrall???

There was supposed to be another boy joining us, but he didn't show up, so Orion started selling and greeting people as they exited Lowe's. In the 1 hour and 15 minutes we were there he made almost $300 in sales by himself! I did not help with anything except managing the money and making change. Orion was the salesman and sold like a pro! He did so good, I was so proud of him! He really gave the pack a good name today and enjoyed selling popcorn so much he asked if he could go back and do it again another weekend!!!! I called our pack master after getting home and asked what was available and he's now scheduled to return to Lowes on Saturday the 17th for some more sales!

Just a quick update...been a long week

The cats are still sick...although they are getting better they are still sneezing up a storm. Rex is doing great, got some sneezies for a day or two but really he was the best one for this...perhaps it's his age and he's received more vaccines than the others or maybe it's the fact that he's the only cat that gets to go outdoors so he has a stronger immune system being exposed to more animals...whatever it is he was the easiest cat by far. Sparky got the bad sneezies and was breathing through his mouth for a couple days but he never stopped eatting or drinking so he's doing great. He still has a couple sneezes a day but nothing major. Clawdia has the sneezing and wheezing, stopped eatting for a few days, but she was eatting today so I am happy about that. She doesn't look like she's lost much weight so I am not too worried. Merlin is doing great, still sneezing but eatting and drinking fine. Martin is my biggest concern. He hasn't eatten food in about 4 1/2 days! He has clearly lost weight, he does drink water which is good, but he worries me none the less. He is no longer breathing through his mouth, but his eyes water so much he looks like he's crying (luckily it's clear liquid so probably not bacterial) and he's sneezing still. Orion did manage to get one little piece of cheese into him today so I am hoping that means he's going to start eatting soon!

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On a different note, my older sister called me up and we talked on the phone for nearly an hour. I haven't talked to her in a few years and it was nice to laugh with her once again. She and I think a lot alike! She's the one I would normally refer to as older sister #3 :) She's 3 years older than me, we went through a lot of things similar...she was molested by older brother #2 but not by my father...however she was molested by our mothers boyfriend who only got to me once. She and I used to laugh and giggle a lot, I was there with her when her first 2 were born, helped her out when the second one came along and she really needed someone, we were very close for many years. She moved far away, I moved and we somehow lost contact...we found each other through facebook and have reconnected...it's really nice!
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Well I'm off to work, gotta go try to make some money lol Hope everyone has a great weekend :)

All my babies are sick......

My fur babies that is.

It started with Merlin sneezing and being kinda lethargic, then he started breathing through his mouth and stopped eatting and drinking. I resulted to dipping my finger in water and dabbing his nose so he would lick it off. After 3 days of this (by which time I thought he was going to die or something) he started to get better, stopped breathing through his mouth and started eatting and drinking again. The next day Martin started sneezing :( Now Martin is on day 2 of breathing through his mouth, Sparky started sneezing yesterday and today started breathing through his mouth, Rex has been sneezing and on and off breathing through his mouth as well as Clawdia. Those 2 (Rex and Clawdia) worry me the most. Everything I have read on the internet about kitty colds and flu is that it is hardest on the elderly and the young...just like humans. Rex is 12 years old, not really elderly but not really young either...plus he's obese! Clawdia is barely 6 months old...definately still a kitten. She's tiny and can't really afford to go 3 days without eatting! I hope they all pull through this ok...poor Martin seems to be the worst off right now, he's not only breathing through his mouth but also drooling and gasping for air after a sneezing fit. According to the vet it's viral and there's nothing they can do...again just like a human cold or flu. I have him crated in a separate room with a humidifier hoping it will help.

Haircut

Orion has been getting a lot of unwanted attention at school concerning his hair...many of the kids (especially the girls) were picking on him because his hair was longer than anyones in the class. When I had taken him to get it cut right before school started they had put him in long layers and said they couldn't really do all one length because of his tall forehead...so we went ahead and let them do it that way. He has been complaining a lot this past week about how only the girls have layers and all the boys who have longer hair all have it one length.....so he asked for a cut. I took him today and here's the result...basically he wanted it to be all one length but still on the long side. He's very happy with the results.

I took these on my phone, so that's why they are lower quality :)

I just have to share because I am so proud!

Here in Massachusetts we have what is called the MCAS tests. The kids take them every spring in grades 3 through 10 and they have to pass these tests to graduate high school. Last spring was Orion's first year of taking the MCAS tests and he was tested in English Language Arts and Mathematics.

His overall performance level for the English Language Arts was Proficient (meaning he demonstrates a solid understanding of challenging subject matter and can solve a wide variety of problems) The breakdown showed he struggled some with Open Ended Response questions, something I will talk to his teacher about so he can work on that.

His overall performance level for the Mathematics was Above Proficient (meaning he demonstrates mastery of challenging subject matter and constructs solutions to challenging problems) There were 5 different sub-content areas in the mathematics test and he scored 100% on 3 of those!

I am so proud of my boy! I put him in school a year early, everyone told me it was a mistake and that because of his social problems with the ADHD he would suffer in school and if anything I should have held him back! I can not tell you how happy I am to be able to say "I TOLD YOU SO!" I knew he needed to get into school, I knew he was ready and I KNEW without doubt if I waited an extra year he would too bored. My son, who should have been in 2nd grade last spring scored that well on a 3rd grade test....his math amazes me! I am so happy right now I can't wait to see him and hug him and tell him exactly how proud of him I am!!

Thoughtful Thursday

OMG what a week it has been! Let me tell you all about it :)


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Orions birthday party was on Saturday, which meant mom was supposed to make a really kewl cake! Friday was supposed to be pack nite for him so I opted to make the cake on Thursday and keep it in the fridge until the party on Saturday. Why not make it Saturday morning you ask??? Well that's because on Saturday morning our electrician was coming in to switch over our service from a 100 amp to a 200 amp service so we had no power most the day. SO Thursday afternoon I whipped up "The Best Pokeball Cake EVER!!" (that's what the boy said anyway...you tell me, what do you think??)

I know, it's not the greatest BUT concidering shortly before I started the cake I spiked a 102 fever I thought I did pretty darn good!

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Friday rolled around and I woke up with fever, chills, body aches, etc...full blown flu symptoms! I stayed in bed all day Friday and called the pack leaders and told them Orion would not be attending the first meeting of the year unless they wanted me to give all the cub scouts a nice case of the flu as a door prize...yeah they agreed with me and told me to go back to bed lol

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Saturday rolled around, I slept until somewhere in the range of noon or 1 in the afternoon. Orion spent his morning watching the electrician work, playing on his Nintendo DS next to me in bed and being a very good boy! He was very concerned that he would not be able to go to his birthday party but I told him no way was I canceling that out so I took heavy doses of dayquil, sucked it up and threw him a Rock-N-Bowl birthday party that he's likely never to forget! I lost my voice about half way through, felt totally miserable by the time parents came to pick up their kids at 8pm, but Orion had a BLAST with the other children...I just kept my distance, made hubby take photos, help out around the kids serving food and such, and trust me he was great! The photos turned out mostly blurry because my cheapy camera doesn't take action photos very well and quite frankly it's hard to get eleven 9 year olds to sit still for any length of time lol You can tell they had fun though and that's what truly matters!

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Sunday I woke up to completely no voice, still had a fever, body aches etc. I layed on the couch most the day until we had to go over to my mother-in-laws so she could see Orion (since Sunday was his "birthday birthday" as he called it lol) So I went over there and ended up laying on her couch for the afternoon while Orion played with the kids in her neighborhood and had cake and ice cream and opened some more presents.

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Monday...got Orion off to school and crashed for the day....still no voice, fever, body aches etc. Got up around 2pm, took a shower, had a quick lunch then got Orion from school. Came home and dozed on the couch with hubby while Orion did homework and played quietly......did I mention hubby came down with this flu Sunday so we were both now sick and poor Orion was fending for himself :( I managed to cook him food to eat...hubby and I lived off chicken soup!

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Tuesday my voice started coming back, but still not good enough to work. The cough was bad still, fever was down to low-grade and body aches started to fade. I was feeling a bit less like I had been run over by a truck, but the lack of energy was still very strong and I slept through most of that day as well...hubby was right there with me. Thankfully he was actually scheduled to be off work these days so he didn't miss out on making money (since he's the real money maker and I am just supplemental...it's way more important he doesn't miss work if possible!)

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Wednesday came around I was feeling half human by I still sounded like Selma from the Simpsons lol Not good enough to be talking on the phone for 6 hours straight so I had to cancel out yet again! Thnkfully I am my own boss and I can get away with doing that...I don't get paid but I won't fire myself either so it's all good in the long run. Hubby dosed heavily with dayquil and returned to work...thankfully he made it through hs day but he fell asleep around 9pm which really is unheard of for him...he's usually up until 1 am and still can function on 5 hours sleep!

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Today I finally am feeling like I MIGHT be able to work tonight IF I can drink enough tea, suck enough halls and get my voice fully recovered. For the most part it just feels like there's this big lump of something in my throat...I'm sure it's just swollen vocal cords but still no fun! I miss working and making money darn it! Hubby is at work, boy is at school and I am posting on here because the cable is down so I can't slack on the couch watching America's Next Top Model re-runs...or whatever else might be on.

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SO I don't think I'll do an actual Thoughtful Thursday cause I'm just too darn tired from this flu and I don't think wearing myself down emotionally is a good idea. I kinda wonder if last weeks post was enough of an emotional drain to actually make me get sick in the first place...hmmmm the body works in mysterious ways doesn't it????

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Anyway, ya'all have a great week, may it be way better than this past one has been for me! Although it was nice to watch my boy play and turn 9 years old, hug him at the exact minute of his birth and tell him how much I love him and how proud of him I am...I just wish I had felt better while it was all going on cause then it would have been the icing on the cake...which IMO IS indeed the best part!

Thoughtful Thursday

Happy Thursday everyone :)

This week I am going to talk about a time when I was 4 years old...this does not involve my mother it involves my older brother #2.

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Older brother #2 was 15 years older than me so when WWVA down in Wheeling West Virginia asked us to come perform on the radio live, he got the job of babysitting me. My mother felt that since I was only 4 I would not be much fun in the car, especially since I tend to get car sick on long rides. So big brother #3, big sisters #2 and #3 got into the car with mother and father and drove off leaving me behind to hang with big brother #2.

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Big brother #2 was ok at first, he was slightly mentally retarded (no really he was I'm not just being mean) so even though he was 19 he was a bit childish and was still fun to hang out with...or so I thought! That night, as 7pm rolled around he decided it was time for me to have a bath. Now I had already had my weekly bath, so I knew I wasn't supposed to have one, but he insisted that mother told him I should have one and if I didn't do as he said he was going to get on the phone, call mother and then I would get in big trouble when she got home...trust me I got into that tub in record timing! He let me play in the tub until the water got cold (unheard of in my youth so woohoo I was happy) and then helped to dry me off...this is where he became Evil Brother.

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He dried me off and when I tried to put on my jammies he told me that mother said I was not to wear clothes to bed that night. I was scared since I knew what daddy did when I didn't have clothes on so I argued and fought with him, but he again pulled the "mother card" and told me he was going to call her and tell on me if I didn't obey his every word....so I sucked up my tears and did as I was told.

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I was told to parade through the living room in no clothes, to run across the couch, to bounce on the bed, all without my clothes on. As I did this, he took his clothes off and began to encourage himself as he watched my little girl body bounce and run and play. Then he made me lay down on the couch where he proceeded to take full advantage of me. As I began to cry he told me not to, I couldn't help it and so he got off me and went over to the phone and began to dial a number. I begged and pleaded for him to not call her so he hung up and told me all I had to do was do everything he said and he would not call. So I sucked back those tears, went into my "zone" and let him do what my father had done so many times before. After he finished, he cleaned himself up and told me to wash up too. I washed up the the sink with a washcloth and thought that would be the end of it...but he was not finished. He put me to bed and lay down next to me, I prayed to whatever god might be listening to please let him fall asleep and leave me alone even though he had refused me jammies, but god did not listen. He proceeded to rape me over and over and over again all night...and all day...and all night...over and over again for a full 5 days until they came back home!

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I distinctly remember, as the blue Chevy pulled into the driveway, him leaning in close, putting his finger over his lips and saying "shhhh it's our little secret"

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Sorry, that's all I got today...I can't go on and remember more. I know normally I share at least 2 memories, but that took more out of me than I realized so I'm going to call it quits for this week. You have to understand, as I type these scenes out I remember them very vividly and even though I don't give as many details as run through my brain I can actually see these things happening again. I can smell the smells, I can see it all in full color in my minds eye, its there and it's real. I think that's because I used to go into that "zone" almost like an outer body experience, like it was someone else living that nightmare. I used to study psychology in school, and I remember reading about people who went through stuff like I did ending up with multiple personality disorders and although I don't think I truly have multiple personalities, I do feel I have some minor form of it. I can tell you that if hubby raises his voice or says a certian word in an argument I feel the switch flip, I can tell I'm going back into that "zone" without even thinking about it...it became habit something that just automatically happens when I get scared or upset. It took me a very long time to not slip into my "zone" everytime I tried to have sex with my husband...sex was very scary for me for a very long time! Luckily he was patient and kind and now it's what it was meant to be and not something that terrifies me. Thankfully, due to hubby being so patient and loving, I don't slip into my "zone" anywhere near as much as I used to and the best part is he can tell by my expression that I'm going there and he stops and pulls me back out. I don't know where I would be without him, somedays I think it would probably be somewhere small and padded.

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Well I'm off, I have lots to do the next few days with the birthday party coming up. I'll share pictures as soon as I catch my breath lol

Am I such a horrible mother????

I watched a show on TV about raising kids, please don't ask me the title because much like names and directions....I simply suck that way! Memory is not something I have, I have to write lists, I have to write notes to remind me to write notes...yes indeed I am that bad!!!

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ANYWAY, I was watching this show and this psychologist or psychiatrist....some kind of psych-guy was talking about kids and electronics and how parents allow their children too much access. His theory is that kids who play video games and watch TV don't like to read and don't have as active of an imagination and are fatter and lazier than the kids who don't watch TV or play video games or are limited to no more than 1 hour a day of such activities. He even went so far as to say the kids who are limited or restricted from those electronics are smarter than the kids who are allowed to access these things whenever they please and the problem is only worse if kids are allowed these things in their first 2 years of life. His opinion is if kids weren't allowed any TV or video games in their first 2 years of life they would be far better off.....I beg to differ!

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See my kid has always been allowed to watch TV, when he was a baby he HAD to be held which did not work well for mom trying to get in a shower and wash her hair....so yes I put him in his swing and I turned on the TV and put on Rolie Polie Olie and ran for the shower before he totally lost his mind....and it worked! He loved Rolie Polie Olie the most so that 20 minutes became moms shower time. As he grew I allowed him to watch Sesame Street, when he was 6 months old he discovered Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and those became his favorite programs to watch. I would record the Wheel in the evening so that I could put him in his pack-n-play in the morning, turn that show on and grab a quick shower. Very quickly I realized that the Wheel was paying off and my 9 month old started pointing out letters CORRECTLY! 9 months old...I'm not kidding you! At 18 months old he read his first word...STOP. It was amazing, we were coming home from the playground, I was pulling him in his wagon and he started yelling for me to stop. I stopped and asked him why I needed to stop and he pointed up to the stop sign and said

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"S-T-O-P spells stop! Mama stop!"

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After telling my mother-in-law and a few other people this amazing news they said he was just recognizing the sign shape, not actually reading so I put a bunch of 4 letter "S" words on a piece of paper and asked Orion to point to the word stop...which he immediately did...then he proceeded to read the rest of the words on the paper too. After that he continued to amaze me....a year later, when he was 2 1/2 years old he was overheard on the baby monitor reading Harry Potter books to his cat and actually getting the words right!

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So you see, I don't know if my kid is just really smart or if that psych-guy was wrong, perhaps if I never let my child watch TV as a baby he would be even smarter...perhaps I somehow dumbed him up by allowing such a thing...or perhaps I knew what he was watching and encouraged his learning and helped him be smarter because I only allowed programs that encouraged learning. With Rolie Polie Olie he learned about friendships, shapes, colors and numbers. With Wheel of Fortune he learned all his letters and how they turn into words if you put them into the correct order. With Jeopardy he learned some random facts that maybe he'll never remember but perhaps someday it will actually pop into place. Even today, as he plays video games on his Nintendo DS, computer or x-box 90% of the time he's reading instructions, learning without realizing it, working on his eye/hand coordination.

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So am I really a bad parent holding my child back by allowing him these modern electronics??? I tend to think NO, I am not. I think it's quality, not quantity, that truly matters.

Poor baby boy

My poor kid has his first fall cold. He's all snoogered up, coughing and feverish :( Yesterday I kept him home from school because his eyes were so red I was sure the nurse would take one look at him and send him straight back home....and then about a half hour after school would have started he had a massive case of diarrhea and I was immediately assured that I had done the right thing in keeping him home......can you imagine the poor kids embarrassment if I had sent him and that happened at school???!!!!! Needless to say we were both glad I had opted to keep him home and spare him the emotional scarring that would have resulted from such an incident!

Birthday party planning

Am I the only mother who has terrible anxiety with every single birthday party? I worry that the kids he invited won't come, I worry that the cake won't be what he wants and expects, I worry that he will be off his adderral and therefore he will be an absolute nightmare and scare away what few friends do show up. I worry he won't have a good time or that he'll have a meltdown as he can sometimes have when he gets stressed and things don't go exactly his way. I worry way too much I know, but none the less, I worry!

This year Orion wants a pokeball cake, but instead of just a basic round pokeball, he wants an open pokeball with a pokemon inside. I'm not sure I can do that or that I can figure out a way to make the top stay open and supported. I worry that I won't make it look close enough to a pokeball and he'll be upset. Of course everyyear I have this anxiety and every year I succeed in giving him exactly what he wants but this is new and different and like I said...I'm not sure how to make the top stay up and open. The past 2 years he has wanted a bowling cake and this is what I have created...

He bowls candlepin so I made his cake that style. I pray I can pull off what he wants this year as well.

Only 1 more week to go........

Yep, just one more week until my baby boy is 9 years old! He will turn 9 at exactly 1:10pm on September 20th.

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In the next week I am sure to find myself flipping through baby albums, remembering just how little he was and feeling amazed that it's been 9 years! You see his actual due date was today, 9-13-2000, but he was a stubborn one and had to make me wait since I had told him he was grounded 10 weeks prior.

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At 24 weeks along I showed the first signs of trouble, spotting and bleeding that was not normal. Ultrasound showed possible placental abruption so I was placed on modified bedrest (meaning for every 20 minutes on my feet I had to have 20 minutes of sitting on my butt) Since I worked at Dunkin Donuts as a floor supervisor I called my boss on the way home from the doctors and quit on the spot. I had never done such a thing before, I would always give 2 weeks notice. This was the first thing Orion changed about me! Anyway, the boss understood that baby came first, said I could come back at anytime and told me to take care of myself and the baby.

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At 30 weeks I said good-bye to hubby as I sent him off to work and sat down in my glider chair to relax. That's when I started to feel contractions. I thought they were just braxton hicks, the fake ones you read about, your body preparing for labor, so I didn't worry and I didn't time them....only they didn't stop and they increased in length and pain level. After a bit I began to time them and realized they were only 5 minutes apart and they seemed to be getting intense, I immediately called my OB who told me to time them for another 1/2 hour and if they didn't slow down to go to labor and delivery. Being a first time mom, I didn't want to listen to her so I called hubby at work and told him to come home and get me and take me in, I felt I was in pre-term labor and I was scared. It was at this point that I told Orion he was grounded and there would be no coming out to play until I said so!

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According to the OB I did indeed have placental abruption and I was dialated to 4 cm. I was placed on strict bedrest until the end of my pregnancy. I was allowed to go home as long as I only was on my feet long enough to go from my bed to the couch in the morning and from the couch to the bathroom through the day. Hubby had to pack me a cooler that stayed by the couch every morning that included all the food and drink I would need for the day while he was at work. It was very boring (daytime TV bites) but my boy was worth it. Every week I went in for a non-stress test (NST) to check for contractions and heartbeat. I also had weekly ultrasounds to check Orion and the placenta. At one point they told me I needed to double my water intake because he was low on fluid and me drinking would help bring the amniotic fluid levels back up, the placenta kept pulling away a little at a time but stayed intact enough to sustain Orion so we left him in there . Every single week I heard the OB say "I don't know if you're going to make it to next weeks appointment, this baby seems to want out" Orion was head down and I was slowly continuing to dialate.

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At my 40 week appointment the ob congratulated me on making it all the way to the end of my pregnancy. She told me I could come off bedrest and I was free to have this baby anytime he wanted to come out but just incase we could make an appointment for the following week to be induced. She told me she thought she would see me before then since I was 5 cm dialated..... Orion opted to wait another week lol

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On September 20, 2000 at 7:30am I walked into labor and delivery. I was checked in and settled into a pretty little room. At 8am they started my pitocin drip, contractions started immediately. My mother-in-law came in shortly after they started the drip and was talking about how they had a pool going at her house as to what time the baby would be born..I informed her that I didn't know about time, just that it was going to take 5 hours and 10 minutes! She laughed, probably because most first babies take longer than that but I was sure that was how long it was going to take......I don't know about timing here, things kind of blend together when you're in labor but shortly after the contractions started the ob came in and looked at that little piece of paper coming out of the machine that showed my contractions, she asked me if I was feeling those and I told her of course...OMG they were intense! The nurse standing behind her laughed, so I thought maybe I was being a bit of a wimp and decided I was gonna be tough! I closed my eyes with every contraction, my wonderful mother-in-law rubbed my feet with every one of them (which seemed to dull the pain some) and I was determined to not be laughed at again! After awhile my husband asked the nurse if I could have something for the pain because HE couldn't stand to see me like that any longer! The nurse said she would get the doctor and I would have to be checked first...doc came in to check me and explained it was too late...I was already at 9 cm!

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At 8am they started my pitocin drip, exactly 5 hours and 10 minutes later (as predicted by me) at 1:10pm Orion entered this world! My life has never been the same since then and I can't imagine it any other way!

Finally...life explained

Sharing something I read that explains life!

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On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.

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On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.

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On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years... How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.

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On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

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So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

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Life has now been explained to you.

Sorry

I missed Thoughtful Thursday....honestly Thursday just came and went and I completely blanked on it. Hubby had the day off but Orion didn't so...well let your imagination run wild for a few and you'll figure out how my day started lol I took the night off my work as well and watched re-runs of Greys Anatomy and Private Practice and then cuddled with Orion since he supposedly had a bad dream...I think he just wanted to sleep in my bed and cuddle with me but how can I possibly say no to his sweet little face when he comes staggering out to the living room looking all pathetic and half asleep asking so kindly if I could come cuddle with him cause a scary dream woke him up? And how could I possibly say no when that same sweet face looks up at me and says "I think we would be more comfortable in your bed, mine is too small for 2 people." Yeah I'm a sucker and he knows how to play me......I can admit as much lol So Thursday came and went and I didn't post or even think about my mother for once....ahhh so refreshing!

You see, I often experience things in my life as Orions Mom and I can't help but think to myself "Why couldn't my mother have been like me?" or "How could my mother hurt her own child?" I can't fathom it, I just can't. People say all the time that she must have been an abused child herself, that she was born in 1933 and back then you did as you were told or you got the snot beat out you SO she was only raising me the only way she knew how...I say that's a load of bull****! I was an abused child and the last thing I want to do to my child is make him feel the way I felt. Even before I went into foster care I would constantly think to myself...I will NEVER be like her! When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I had one answer..."I want to be a better mommy than I have!" It's all I ever wanted, saying that you beat your kids because you don't know any better is just an excuse for your own weakness and heartlessness. You know it's wrong, you know what it feels like so why would you ever subject another human being to such torture?? It just doesn't compute...I can't comprehend the concept at all! Besides...she made sure she was never seen hitting us, she made sure we were never bruised in places that could be seen by people and she made sure we didn't cry out so the neighbors wouldn't hear...she knew it was wrong and she knew if she got cought she would be in trouble, yet she continued anyway. When we went into foster care and we had to go into the court and tell the judge if we wanted to go back and live with her she told the judge I was lying, that she never laid a hand on me except to hug me, she swore up and down that she never even spanked. She claimed she used time-outs or taking things away, she would never lay a hand on her child...I never understood how she could stand there and lie to the judges face like that? She would look him square in the eye and lie to him...luckily the judge listened to me and told my social worker that if I didn't want to go home I would have to be kept in foster care because I didn't feel safe there and kids need to feel safe. He saw right through her or he just felt sorry for me, either way I won and was never forced to go back home. I remained in foster care until I was 18 and went off to college. The system may be messed up and there may be some crappy social workers out there, maybe I just got lucky but I got a really good one and Karen was AWESOME! She took good care of me, got me into good homes and helped me through some really rough patches!

Sometimes I amaze myself....a photo story

We have 5 cats ......


Rex the 12 year old

Martin the 3 year old



Sparky the 2 year old




Merlin the 1 year old




And the baby Clawdia just 20 weeks old

We also have a couch that the 5 cats have decided is their personal scratching post....

So today I went down to Jo-Anns Fabric and bought a bit of fabric and made a denim slip cover to go over the entire arm of the couch.

Hopefully the cats won't be able to claw through that anytime soon!

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This is a big wrap around couch that fills the entire room so I couldn't make a slip cover for the entire thing, I'll probably make another to match the arm on the other side of the couch even though the cats haven't attacked that one yet.

Thoughtful Thursday

It's amazing how fast time goes, how quickly we get through each day and suddenly we're old and tired and wondering where all the time went. Why couldn't that happen when I was a kid, back when I needed and wanted time to get a move on and get me out of the nightmare I lived. Why is it that times seems to speedup as we get older, aren't we supposed to SLOW DOWN as we age?? Somedays I just don't get it lol

Anyway, here we are on another Thursday, my boy is in school, the cats are chasing each other through the house at top speed, the dog is sleeping at the front door and I'm supposed to be working....only there don't seem to be a lot of calls in the daytime hours so I will just post in my blog and pass the time by putting my thoughts into words for your reading pleasure :)

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The other day my son wanted to see my hand, I didn't really know why but he asked if he could see it so I held it out to him. He then told me not to peek and proceeded to pull out a pen he was hiding and write on my palm "I love you so!!" The two exclamation points looked like this =:) just not sideways lol This precious moment took me back to when I was a kid about his age and I wrote on everything!

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One day I took a bunch of magic markers and drew all over the kitchen cabinet doors....and I do mean ALL OVER them! I covered them in a beautiful green grassy fields full of all kinds of colorful flowers, a beautiful sunrise, and flowing hills of green. I colored in a beautiful blue sky complete with birds flying by. There were trees and bunnies and over in the corner was a little house with pretty curtians in the windows...I was creative and I was proud of my hard work....mother was not in the least bit impressed!

OK in her defence, I probably would have had a few words with my son if he drew all over my cabinets, I probably would ground him and give him a Mr. Clean magic eraser and make him remove it all...BUT I never, not in a million years, never would react the way my mother did! My mother first screamed and hollered and yelled! Then she got her leather belt and whooped my behind until I couldn't stand, then she whooped me even more. She beat the crap out of me! She stood over me and beat me as she forced me to try to scrub off the permanant magic marker and the more I scrubbed the more she hit because it simply was NOT coming off...that's why they're called permanant markers...they don't come off! Then I was locked in the cabinet under the stairs with no lights, no food, no water, nothing for a full day! I was let out after a day because I had to go to school or someone might ask where I was, heaven forbid if anyone should discover her secrets!

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Speaking of school, I remember walking to school as a kid...I was just inside the 1 mile line so I had to walk, I could not ride the bus. This meant that rain, sleet, snow, wind, you name it, I walked in it...uphill both ways! (No I am not kidding!) I lived on one side of the hill at the bottom, my school was on the other side at the bottom so I walked uphill, then downhill to get to school and the same to get home. The majority of the way up the hill from home was basically a straight line so my mother could watch out the window and see me as I walked along. One day, it was cold and rainy and I couldn't see well so I turned around and proceeded to walk backwards so that the wind and rain hit my back and not my face and books. I was rather proud of myself for having made it all the way to school walking backwards and I didn't trip once! I was awesome, I was cool, I was soaking wet but I was happy none the less!

That afternoon I walked home only to have mother greet me at the door screaming about walking to school backwards. Didn't I realize how stupid that was? Didn't I realize I could trip, fall into the road and get run over by a bus? At this point she made me stand in the kitchen and turn my back to the living room and walk backwards through the living room to my bed (which was on the far side of the living room) She had taken it upon herself to spend her day rearranging the furniture just so I would trip and fall and (according to her) learn my lesson. As I tripped over a chair and landed on the edge of the old kerosene heater and burned my arm she dragged me to my feet and made me keep walking...not caring that my arm was hurt, not caring that I had been burned, only caring about teaching me a lesson and making sure I didn't walk to school backwards ever again! By the time I got through the living room I had a burn on each arm...one from the kerosene heater and one from the big potbelly woodstove. Neither was bandaged or cared for and the scars are still there to remind me of what an evil and cruel woman she truly was.

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And so ends another Thoughtful Thursday! Enjoy your weekend and remember....kids are only little for a short time. Before you know it they will be grown ups just like you and me and when that day comes will it really matter what they drew on your walls or if they walked to school backwards...I doubt it will and more likely than not you'll miss those days and wish you could do them all over again! Enjoy them while they're young and their mistakes are minor, enjoy those precious moments when they write on your hand "I love you so =:)" and know that from that moment one whenever you look at your palm those words will still be there, even if time and showers have washed them away. Find a way to preserve these times for the bad days of your life, I'm sure it will help make even the gloomiest days a bit brighter!

Here we go...first day of 4th grade

Today my baby boy headed off to his first day of 4th grade!! As I watched him run away from me toward the school with a smile on his face and the wind in his hair I again felt the pangs of motherhood and a tear in my eye. How did my baby boy go from this

to this

In a single heartbeat?

My little baby boy is suddenly a little man, growing up right before my very eyes! Funny thing is...I used to laugh at those mothers who would tear up on their kids first day of school every year, I thought to myself "I'll never be like that" I used to think that I would be the mother who proudly sent her kid off to school, maybe crying on the first day of Kindergarten or Pre-school, but not every single first day every single year...but alas we often find that no matter how many times we say "I'll never be like that" or "My kids will never behave like that in public" we find that we surprise ourselves and this is a perfectly normal way to be. It's not silly, it's not strange, it's motherhood and I'm glad to be a part of it! I miss my boy already, he may have driven me a bit crazy some days over the summer, but he's a pretty fun kid and the house sounds oddly quiet and laughter free. Now I'll go sit, sip some coffee and count the hours until 3pm when I can go pick him up and hear all about his first day of 4th grade!

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