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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thoughtful Thursdays................

Here we are on another Thursday, time for me to think about as it was, life as it is, and life as it will be in  the future.

Today I had a wonderful conversation with my son. We did a lot of shopping, vets, etc and I love the car rides because it's a great time to talk and have conversation. I find that Orion talks more when we're in the car and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he knows I have to keep my eyes on the road and can't look at him as much. When I can't see his face I can't see if he's uncomfortable or making a face at me or whatever so it relaxes him some and we can talk.

Today our talk started out by talking about our vacation coming up. I told him I want to face some fears this trip and that the reason I am doing it is because I feel I am not setting a very good example for him when I refuse to do something just because I'm afraid...especially when I know that it's all in my head and I really have nothing to be afraid of. See, I have this fear of dark places (remember the closet under the stairs) and I have a fear of going under water because of a car "accident" when I was little. I put the word accident in quotes because I don't think it truly was an accident...I was little so I don't think I'll ever know the truth on it, but deep down I think my evil egg donor was actually trying to kill me by driving the car off the bridge in the middle of winter into the freezing water below. I honestly believe she had every intention of me dying that day and had not planned on the farmer being there to save us. Anyway, because of these things I have this irrational fear of waterslides that are enclosed. I have, up until now, refused to go into them because of my fear. I know I would survive, but I am so unbelievably afraid I have never managed to do it even though so many people say what fun it is. I also have this thing about going down waterslides backwards, out of my control, not being able to see where I am going...unfortunately this has worn off on Orion and he freaks out over waterslides where he may end up going backwards. Mainly he will just say no, he would rather just play in the pool or whatever, he would rather wait at the bottom, anything to avoid going down the slide because he's afraid of ending up backwards. I have decided that he is so afraid of being afraid that he is missing out on so much...and I can't help but think it's partly my fault.

So today I told him my plan for vacation. See the place we are going to has is an enclosed slide and I told Orion I am going to face my fear and this vacation I am going down that slide! I told him it would greatly help me to face my fears if he would face his as well and go down the other one that is not enclosed but does have a possibility of ending up backwards. I told him honestly how I felt, that I felt I was doing him a disservice by being so fearful and that Daddy is right when he says that we are being irrational in our fears. I told him that I felt he was going to miss out on too much if I allowed the fear to hold us back...he sounded shocked that I was actually admitting my fears to him and that I was going to face them. Of course being the wonderful child that I have raised he agreed to help me by facing his fears with me and going down that slide! I can't tell you how happy it made me to realize that I have such an impact on this child and that together he and I are going to win the battle against our fears, we are going to let loose and we are going to have fun! I totally can not wait for this vacation to start!


My evil egg donor used to say something to me often:

"You never should have been born!"

How can a mother say such a thing to her own child?? I can not fathom it!

I sometimes will joke with Orion...I'll ask him "What am I going to do with you?" to which he will to reply "trade me in and get a new one" and I will laugh and say "now there's an idea except they won't let me"

The difference between me and my egg donor....I could tell she meant it, Orion can tell I am joking and it always makes us laugh! It's our way of making light of his situation...his's our way of finding a way to muddle through and get through some really frustrating moments. He knows I'm not serious, he knows I would never trade him in even if it were perfectly legal and acceptable to do so. Now my egg donor...I knew she meant it, I knew she never wanted to have me. How do I know this...because she told me and reminded me of it as she held a pillow over my face trying to kill me! She never wanted me and she wanted me out of her life, she wanted me dead!

I often find myself asking why the heck she fought so much when the state came in and took us away, she was finally rid of me afterall. Someone had come in and taken me away, someone had put a stop to her suffering. Why did she fight and lie and say she never hurt us? Why did she say she never laid a hand on us, never harmed a hair on our heads. Why did she ask the judge to give her back the child she never even wanted in the first place?? These are questions that will probably never be answered and honestly, I probably don't want to know the answers to anyway.


Have a great weekend everyone :) Remember, be honest with your kids because it's when we show our weaknesses and are honest with them that we gain their respect and admiration.

From Blogger Pictures

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The week in review

So Orion finished up 4th grade last week Friday, he's now officially  a 5th least I assume he is considering he got straight B's. The report card didn't actually say he was heading into the 5th grade like usual, but with straight B's I don't see how he couldn't move onward. Our disappointment came when we realized that he was not given the advanced math class for next year, apparently his ability to work by himself just isn't up to par and although he can do math at a 6th grade level he needs too much supervision to be able to be in the advanced class. Orion sat on the couch and cried most of Friday afternoon over this fact and over the fact that he felt he deserved better grades than he received. This poor kid again received poor marks for his effort which upsets me simply because I know he does try, it's just not easy when you suffer with ADHD. I also know that he makes a lot of careless mistakes and I am sure that counted against him. He doesn't like to ask for help, he prefers to struggle and work out the problems on his own, however when he does this and gets the answer wrong the teacher sees it as a lack of effort because he didn't ask for help and he didn't get it right. It sucks! I wish I could just make it magically better for him!! I hope that next year he proves them wrong and shows them that he deserves to be in the advanced  class and that they made a mistake. I hope he isn't so bored in the regular class that he becomes a problem, I hope he uses this as a chance to learn to control himself and his boredom a bit better. I hope he makes the best of the situation!

Summer began quite pleasantly with sunny days and thunderstorm nights. We have had the chance to watch fireflies dancing in the bushes and count the number of flickers for the firefly watch we do for the Science museum in Boston. We have been doing it for a couple of years now, they are trying to determine if the use of pesticides is harming the firefly population. They have recruited people from all across the country to watch for fireflies and then register on their website to make reports during the summers of what they find. We report the flickers, the weather conditions, the kind of territory we have etc. It's a fun thing we do together and it's been great to see our findings this year are far greater than in years past! The fireflies seem to be making a comeback around here!

Also we have started our countdown to summer vacation! We leave on July 3rd for some fun in the sun in Vermont! I can hardly wait! I  have started my list of things we will need and  it's growing by the day! I am determined to not forget a single thing...a  mom can hope right???

From Blogger Pictures

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday.......

I just finished up field day at Orion's school and am settled in to eat some lunch and do some typing and studying before I have to go get Orion from school. As I was walking back to my house I couldn't help but think back 28 years to my next to last day of 5th grade. It was then that my world changed completely.

See the next to last day of 5th grade I was woken up rather hastily by Big Sister #2 right before she got onto the bus for the day. She dragged me into the bathroom and closed and locked the door. She had an urgent look on her face, a look of worry and fear, I thought I was in trouble and she was trying to warn me before the evil egg donor got ahold of me. Instead, in whispers I could barely heard she said:

"Someone is coming to your school today to pick you up, you don't know her but you are to go with her. She may have a police officer with her, but do  not be afraid! Go with them no matter what and she will bring you to me, just remember you MUST go with her!"

I remember the words like it was yesterday, I was confused but she said no more. She simply unlocked the door and ran out to meet the buss calling over her shoulder, "Don't forget, I'll see you after school" I got dressed and headed off to school. I was the only one in the family still in the elementary school. Big Sis was 3 years older than me and had her last year there 2 years prior. She was now a Jr. High student riding the bus with Big Brother #3 and Big Sister #2. I was all alone walking to school but I didn't mind. I enjoyed the quiet time I had while walking that mile, looking at nature, getting lost in my thoughts until I arrived at the place where I was the weird kid because I wore glasses and was so shy I had trouble talking to kids I had known all my life. That day was going to be a good day though, Mr. Hutchinson would have us all washing desks and cleaning the blackboard. We would get to smash the erasers against the wall outside, making chalk dust fly into clouds of yellow dust. It would be a fun day ending in planning field day for the next day, the last day of 5th grade. We would get our "Welcome to 6th grade" letters from the older kids and get to hear all about what 6th grade was all about.

But alas, all that was not to be. I found myself hearing my sisters words in my mind, looking at the classroom door, wondering when this strange lady would come for me and WHY she was coming. I went out to recess and played, I remember taking off my sweater and leaving it next to the swings that I so loved to swing in. I always preferred the wooden swings over the rubber ones that hugged your butt because you could stand up in the wooden ones so much better. Jumping out of the swing from standing was way more fun so i preferred those. After recess we went back in and finished cleaning out our desks, washing them inside and out with soapy water. We threw away our trash and old papers, made paper airplanes and flew them around because we could get away with it for that day. Mr Hutchinson was cool like that, he let us get away with more at the end of the year. It was shortly before the end of the day when  I saw the lady with long brown hair stop at our classroom door. She spoke quietly to Mr Hutchinson who called me over to the door. He quietly told me to get the stuff I was taking with me, I had to go with Ms. Wheatley. I remember my heart feeling like it was stopping, would I see my friends again, would I get the chance to say good-bye? I remembered my sweater and told them I needed to run out and get it, Mr. Hutchinson told me that would be fine. I ran out the back door that was open to the playground, then began walking slowly, feeling I needed to take this time to remember this playground. I had a feeling I might  not get to be on it again and so I slowed to a crawl and remembered the fun times I had there. Remembered making the giant class snowman that was as tall as our teacher and took the entire class to build. I remembered laying int the field with my best friends watching clouds go by overhead. I remembered when they put in that ice rink in the middle of the front so we could have more to do at recess in the winter months and I remembered swinging and singing with my friends. I sat on the wooden swing for a moment, thinking about what my future held, and although I had no idea what was happening or where I was going, I somehow knew I would not be returning here. I held it in my heart for a moment more, grabbed my sweater off the ground and returned to the classroom ready to face whatever was in store for me. I packed my bag and I walked out of the classroom between this lady and a police officer, my class quietly watching as I walked away. I didn't get to say good-bye to my very best friend, the thought made me sad. I asked the nice lady if I could come back the next day for field day, she said we would see...I think she was just trying not to upset me anymore than I already was. I was put into the backseat of a police car, the lady got into the front with the policeman and we drove away.

As we rode in the car, I remember her turning around to ask me if I knew why they had come, why I was with her. I told her all I knew was that Big Sister #2 told me to go with her and I was just doing what I was told. She explained that she was a social worker for the state of Vermont and that she was there to take me away. I asked if I had done something wrong, afterall the evil egg donor had told me numerous times that children who disrespected their mothers could be sent to jail by their parents and she often threatened to call the cops and have me sent to jail if I didn't do as I was told. The nice lady told me no, I was fine, it was the evil egg donor who was bad and she was there to protect me.

We drove to the high school where we went to the 7th grade english teachers classroom. There were grammar posters on the walls and desks all lined up, Ms. Wheatley told me to have a seat and she was going to go to the office and make sure the others remembered to report there as well. The teacher came in and offered to sit with me while Ms. Wheatley went to the office. Turns out, that lady was to be my temporary foster mother until they could find a home for all 4 of us minor children. Big Sis was the first to arrive, she hugged me and told me everything was going to be fine. She was always the strong one, the one I looked up to most and seemed to actually care about me and my feelings. I knew she could tell how scared I was and she was trying to help me feel better. Big Brother #3 came second, he was more quiet and did not hug me, barely even said a word. Big Sister #2 arrived last with Ms. Wheatley. We all packed into the english teachers mini-van and went to her house. They had a small house, but they had a swing in the back yard, the teacher told me to feel free to go use it while the grown-ups talked. I remember thinkking that Big Sister #2 was not a grown up but yet she got to join in on the conversation. I asked who was going to take me to school for my last day....I got the same "we'll see" answer as I was shoo'ed out the door.

I spent one night at the english teachers house, then we moved to a new house, one that already had like 15 kids. We had to be placed somewhere where the egg donor didn't know where we were, we were hidden away...I never did get back for field day or to get my report card or anything :( It made me sad to have missed out on the most fun day at school! I rode a borrowed rusty bike around dirt roads, always within visual range of the house because I had to be seen by the mother at all times. If the egg donor happened to find us we could get stolen by her or hurt by her, so we had to stay where we could be seen and protected until we went to court. That's where I had my first bad biking accident, the bike I was given to ride was a 10 speed and I had never riden one of those before...I didn't know the brakes were on the handles and not in the pedals like my old bike. I crashed, got a pebble stuck...and I do mean my elbow. The bone stpped the rock from going any deeper actually. I still have a scar from that...the spot is dead actually, can't feel a thing there! Day 3 we went to court, that's when things got really weird!

Court was not like you see on TV, I was introduced to this weird old man and was told he was to be my representative. I would tell him whatever I wanted the judge to know and he would speak for me. He and I went off together and he asked all kinds of questions about the egg donor and I told him somethings, but I was still under the impression she would beat the crap out of me if I told anything really big so most I didn't dare speak about. Lucky for me the older kids had no such problems or confussion and they spoke out about everything. The egg donor swore up and down that she did nothing wrong, she never laid a hand on us, she did  nothing but love us. The judge asked me a couple questions and then my rep questions and then we were dismissed. Each of us had to face the egg donor on our own with our own reps, it was kind of nice to be heard, to have someone want to hear my side and to not be shut up by older siblings. Someone cared about my opinion, it was really quite nice. The judge took our side and ordered us removed for at least 6 months. We were all to attend therapy with child psychologists weekly and see him again in 6 months time. The egg donor was supposed to get therapy too and was allowed supervised visitation rights only if the children wanted it...I wanted nothing to do with her now that I was free of her. Every week she tried to visit me but everytime she showed up for a visit I would be off on my bike somewhere and I would not return until her car was gone. If she happened to see me she would only beg me to love her and give her a hug, I was repulsed by her and wanted nothing more than to get away.

I went into foster care when I was 11 years old, in the 7 years of foster care I was in 7 different homes. Some were group homes, some were only temporary, some just didn't work out because I couldn't get along with the mother who tried too hard to make me visit with the evil egg donor. I was angry that noone seemed to want to listen to me, it was all about older sister #2 and how wonderful she was. No one seemed to care that I had been molested, or that I had been hurt by the men i  the house, only that older sister #2 had. I bottled it all up inside and quickly became a very angry girl. I began to drink hard alcohol, anything I could get my hands on, I continued to smoke. I cried a lot and fought a lot, it was not an easy adjustment to make. Once I told them about the molestation they were shocked that I too had suffered more tha  just physical abuse from the egg donor. They hadn't known...personally i think they were just so wrapped up in big sister #2 that they didn't notice me suffering in the shadows.

I did struggle with a lot of the anger and frustration  that first year of foster care. It really wasn't all  that great. Most the foster mothers were all about helping big sister #2 and  then Big Sis then me. I was an after usual. I was given lists of chores to do while big sister #2 was allowed to go out on a date. I began to feel like cinderella. Big Sis often rebelled and just didn't do her chores, she would take off in the early morning hours with her friends and not return till late, I often did her chores for her so she wouldn't get into trouble. I lived in the mind-set that we would be in big trouble if we didn't do as we were told....all because of how we were raised. I was forced to take swimming lessons with little 4 and 5 year olds because I was a beginner and had a major fear of water, I stopped going after I learned the basics and was graduated to intermediate lessons. I simply refused to take more lessons with little kids half my age who laughed at me like I was some kind of retard for not knowing how to swim at 11 years old. I was forced to play with other kids my age who I could tell wanted nothing more than to be with their friends that they knew all their lives, they certainly didn't want to hang out with some new weird kid who was so shy it was painful. I can't blame them, I wanted nothing  more than to be hiding in my room, doing nothing but listening to music and reading a book. I didn't want to make new friends, I was far too shy for such a thing. I survived foster care, but it wasn't a ride in the park!

And so I remember because I can't forget. My world changed, I was saved from the abuse and on my next to last day of 5th grade I met my first day of healing. here I am almost 30 years later wondering when the pain will stop fully, when  will it get to a point that I remember but it doesn't hurt anymore. Something tells me that in another 30 years I'll still be wondering.


And so ends another Thoughtful Thursday! Enjoy your beginning of summer, enjoy your kids and enjoy your life. Wake up with a smile in your heart and know that your kids are your most precious gifts ever!

From Blogger Pictures

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Just had the best night ever

It's Wednesday night so it's bowling night for me and Orion. I started out by stopping at CVS to grab a couple things and found that my favorite energy drinks were on sale...10 for $10! Normally $2.49 each it was an amazing deal! Then I get over to the bowling alley and see that Orion and I are tied for 1st place in points and I was in 3rd place for high average, high game and high series. Then we started bowling!! My first game was my best game ever and beat the current high single game score! My second game was average and then my third game beat my first game! So I bowled my 2 highest games ever in one night!  Then to top of the night, as we pull into the drive-way I see a flicker of lights in the bushes...fireflies were dancing and the sun hadn't even fully set yet! Orion and I sat in the car watching the fireflies for a good 5 to 10 minutes before I decided I did need to get him inside to bed since technically it still is a school night.

Tomorrow I go over to the school for field day, I hope it doesn't rain on us. If it does, my guess is we'll end up playing games in the gymnasium.

From Blogger Pictures

He's been counting down the days

until he becomes a 5th grader!

I can't believe that on Friday my boy will complete his last day of 4th grade at 1:05pm and officially become a 5th grader!!!

My how time flies!

From Blogger Pictures

Monday, June 14, 2010

It's 4am do you know where your child is???

That was me just this morning....not even kidding!

See usually Orion ends up in my bed at night, he sleep walks right into my room and under the covers by midnight so most nights when I finish up work and crawl into bed I am greeted with a boy curling right up and hugging me it's rather nice after 4 to 5 hours of getting yelled at by exasperated customers :) ANYWAY, that's what happened last night, 1am I crawl into bed, he's already there  curled up sleeping peacefully and since my theory has always been...let sleeping children lie....I of course just got into bed and went to sleep.

4am I hear the boy coughing so I wake up, roll over to where he had been 3 hours before, and he's not there! Normally he never leaves the bed unless something is wrong, so in a silly half-awake stupor I frantically search the house for the child...of course I find him playing in his bedroom but he gave  me a heart attack anyway! His claim was he could not sleep for the past hour so he gave up trying and went to his room. He's got the TV on, he's bouncing a balloon with his feet and the cat that just had surgery on Thursday is laying on his floor instead of in her crate where she should be...and he wonders why I turn everything off and very sternly send him to bed! It's 4am, I'm now running on 3 hours of sleep and he's wondering why I'm upset! Of course it's after I get him settled into his bed that he tells me that his chest hurts when he breathes! So I take a quick listen (I'm actually pretty good at listening to his chest when he takes a deep breath) and sure enough he's wheezing...gee why didn't you tell me this earlier??? His response...he didn't want me to be mad. I'll never understand, perhaps he thought I would be less mad just to find him playing in his bedroom at 4am??? Silly boy! So I give him his inhalers, get him settled in and try to get him to go back to sleep (he does have to be at school in 5 hours) but no such luck. He stayed awake all morning long! I sent him off to school yawning and looking extremely tired...maybe now he'll understand the importance of a good nights sleep!

From Blogger Pictures

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The wild child is ill

My poor baby boy is sick, he's running a very low grade fever, has a sore throat, sniffles and he's losing his voice! I think it's more allergies, but I do think he has a bit of a cold going on too. Today he just lounged around the house, didn't ask to call friends, didn't get all wild like usual, just played video games and watched movies while laying on the couch. He managed to eat some food, but his appetite was exceptionally low which sucks because he needs to eat and gain weight! I have dosed him up with cold/allergy medicine and his melatonin and hope he wakes up a new boy tomorrow so that he can enjoy his last 4 1/2 days as a 4th grader!


On an up-note I am feeling a bit better so I am able to work again, hubs is 100% better! Big Sis has seen the light and is moving out this week as soon as her son finishes up school! She's moving to Kentucky to live with a friend from high school and should be very happy there! I am glad she has found her self-esteem once again, or at least a small enough piece of it to tell that jerk she was living with that she wasn't taking his crap anymore! I am very proud of her for doing that and I stand behind her 100% as she makes this change in her life.

From Blogger Pictures

Friday, June 11, 2010

It rained on our parade

so to speak rained on our field day so the school post-poned it to next  week Thursday instead. I'm thinking I should not write my Thoughtful Thursday post ahead of time again just in case lol I am betting that it's because I was so organized and planning ahead that it decided to rain in the first place! I knew that would happen, seems to be the way it goes with me. I'm such a generally disorganized person, always forgetting vital things at the store making me need to go back, leaving things to the last minute, not thinking about what I have scheduled before scheduling myself for something else, there simply must be chaos or life is not right. I thought maybe I was turning a  new leaf, getting organized for once, planning and thinking ahead...apparently that's not a good plan at all lol

In other news, things have been rough health wise around here. We are all suffering with colds or allergies, can't figure out which and I strongly suspect it's actually a little of both. I have had to cancel work because I couldn't speak, had fevers, sniffles, sore throat, a cough and a general feeling of ickiness! It's starting to get better now for me, getting worse for Orion, hubs is doing a lot better so that's what leads me to believe there's a cold mixed in with all this.

Kitty is doing well after her spay surgery. She's got a pretty purple hood so she won't lick and chew her stitches, she's medicated with a kitty form of morphine, and she's actually pretty funny to watch when she's all loopy like this LOL I'm keeping her in a crate so she stays away from the other animals and doesn't move around too much....can't have her ripping out those stitches! She cries for attention and is happy as long as someone sits next to her crate and pets her head, otherwise she cries. She's eating and drinking great so I'm happy about that and see her recovering quite nicely.

That's about it, one more week of school and then Orion will be a 5th grader! Hopefully he'll be in advanced math next year but he needs to be able to work b y himself and complete his work on time...something that the ADHD makes difficult. I'll know next week Friday what level classes he'll be in and then later on in the summer the school will send home a letter telling us who his teachers will be.  I'll let you know next week where he'll be placed :)

From Blogger Pictures

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Thought Thursday...I mean Wednesday lol

I have decided to post Thoughtful Thursday today because tomorrow will be a very busy day for me. First I have to get up bright and early to take the cat into the vets office to get fixed. She's getting rather annoying with her butt in the air, howling at all hours, peeing on things just because she wants to be the neighborhood slut. Yeah we're tired of it so she's getting turned into an it like all the other animals around here. Then after I drop her off I need to go over to the school for the 4th grade field day where I get to help other mothers enjoy teaching the wild 4th graders some fun games and  blasting them with water balloons. Sounds like fun eh? I think so too...but that means I won't be around home to write a post so I'm doing it today instead :)


So this week, since we have been talking a lot about our planned vacation up to Smuggs in  northern Vermont I have been remembering some really good memories from my childhood that I can't wait (really hope) to share with my boy. Things like seeing thousands of fireflies flickering in the bushes as the evening sets in. I remember being real little and watching the fireflies flicker all around every evening. We would grab our empty mayonnaise  jars, poke holes in the lids with a hammer and nail, and then  go outside. We would grab a handful of grass and put it in the jar for the fireflies to sit on through the night and then catch at least a dozen in our jars for our bedroom light show. We would laugh and chase those things, catch them in our jars and put the lids on tight.  Then we would take them inside where they would flicker in our room as we fell asleep. the next morning we would open the lids and let them all fly away knowing that we would be able to catch more that evening. It was a rare happy memory, something I will cherish and honestly I want to be able to share that with my boy. Maybe we won't have the jars to put them in but we will be up in Vermont, the state I grew up in, and I can tell him about it while we watch them flicker in the least I hope we see them so that I can do just that.


Another thing I would like to share with my boy is mountain hiking, not this Blue Hill hiking on this puny hill they call a mountain around here, I'm talking real Mt. Mansfield, take most the day getting to the top so you can look out across New York, Canada, places miles and miles away! I want to share that beauty with my boy. I want to share with him the breath-taking views of my youth and see his eyes light up in wonder as he sees that all for the first time. I want to share with him the exhilaration  that comes with running up a mountain, feeling the fresh (and I do mean fresh) air as it fills your lungs. I want to share that feeling of freedom and smallness that comes from standing on top of a mountain!


I also wanted to share a small update on Big Sis, I finally came to the conclusion that I was not helping her by simply agreeing with her when it came to the current guy she's with and the life he is giving her. I told her exactly how I feel, that she needs to get away from him because he is no good for her. I told her that she needs to take herself and her mental health into consideration. I hate how he treats her like a bothersome child instead of as a partner and I told her that. She seems to have heard me because she is planning to move out of there as soon as her son finishes up the school year which should be in the next week or so. That's what she says now, but we'll see what happens. I hope she stays on plan and leaves because he makes her so unhappy it makes my heart ache for her. She deserves better!


OK that's it for this week. Everyone have a great weekend and share some childhood memories with your kids, they'll appreciate it and maybe even see you as kewl. Besides, there's nothing like that warm feeling inside that comes from sharing with your children something that made you happy when you were their age :)

From Blogger Pictures

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday.......

Here we are on another Thursday, I'm sitting in my living room trying to figure out what to write about today and I can only come up with one thing......


Ok, it sounds weird right? I completely agree, but it's kinda funny at the same time. I don't eat a lot of bread,  I have 2 reasons...1) it's not all that great tasting IMO and 2) the egg donor used to bake it in the house and the smell takes me back to a time that was much less happy than it is now. But why am I thinking toast this morning? It's simple really...Orion. See this morning I finally managed to drag the boy out of bed and asked him what he wanted to eat for breakfast, he requested buttered toast. So I popped a few slices of bread into the toaster oven and toasted it for him. As I was putting the butter on the toast for him he requested more, apparently he likes a lot of butter on his toast and immediately I was taken back, back to a time when toast was all we had to eat. It was a morning, much like today, overcast and the sky was white with a dewy haze that you could tell the sun would burn off before long. I stood over the toaster and older sister #2 and Big Sis were sitting at the table right behind me. As I plastered the butter on my toast to camouflage the taste of the bread, they both started laughing at me and Big Sis says "Have a little toast with your butter why don't you" I can still hear her laughter ringing in my head as I just smirked and sat down to eat my toast with butter....or butter with toast lol Apparently my son has acquired my taste for butter too hehe

Butter...there's another thing that's a memory for me....I was a weird kid and I used to like to stick my fingers in the butter and then eat it. I would sprinkle it with sugar and eat it, I would sprinkle it with salt and eat it. I would get a whoopin every time I did it but it was something I just couldn't control. They say your cravings are your body telling you what you need...apparently I drastically needed butter lol Perhaps it was more along the lines of I needed anything that resembled something edible.

Maybe that's what this whole week is coming around I remember having to go up to the chicken coop to gather the eggs for the day. If I forgot and the hens broke the eggs I got into trouble and got my butt beat for it. I remember having to go down to the Braley Farm to get the milk because he sold it to us for 50 cents a gallon. It was raw milk (straight from the cow and oh so delicious) and for the longest time after going into foster care I couldn't stand the taste of store bought milk. Even now I don't really like it, especially skim milk!  Of course, as you can see, I never died, didn't get horribly sick from it, and the worst that ever happened was I drank the cream off the top (raw milk actually separates in the fridge and you have to shake it to mix it back up or you can pour the cream off and have cream and basically skim milk) The egg donor liked to keep the cream for her coffee and if we drank her cream we got into trouble big time! It was always the dare to win....drink the cream without getting caught! That's one way I am sorry to say I am like the egg donor...I love my cream in my coffee and if you mess with my coffee you're in for an earful! AND that's a way that my boy is like me, he LOVES drinking my half-n-half! Of course that brigs out the difference between me and the egg donor...I willingly give the boy a cup of half-n-half and smile as I watch him enjoy his drink. He smiles up at me with that milk mustache and licks his lips and I know I have made him very happy :) 

And that my friends is what I live for...seeing my boy smiling and happy, really, truly happy and content!


I hope everyone has a great weekend. Ours will be busy with bowling banquets and having some fun.  I will spend my first weekend of June working on seeing more smiles and hearing more laughter, because that's what being a good parent is all about and that is all I ever dreamed of being...a great mom!

From Blogger Pictures

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What a great night

I had so much fun with Orion bowling tonight and the best part was watching him laugh and yell "I haven't had this much fun bowling in a long time Mom!" I'm so glad to have that effect on him! He bowled a little below his average and I bowled a little above mine. We had a lot of fun and that is what truly mattered most! I look forward to bowling with him all summer long and into the fall!

We chose to keep the same team name we have had for years...Double describes us well hehe

From Blogger Pictures

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Once again it's my favorite time of year

Tomorrow night begins the summer Adult/Youth bowling league!

Orion and I have bowled together in this league every summer for the past 3 years and I enjoy it more than any other league! I get to hang out with my kid every Wednesday night all summer long, our team name Double Trouble is what we picked in our first year and kept it every year since. So tomorrow evening we will once again bowl with my boy, our special's so special that Orion  has requested that next fall we continue the Adult/Youth league together and bowl as a team year round :) I can't tell you how special that is, I hope it continues for many years to come.

From Blogger Pictures